Eaglie's Aviary

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Ten Years Later

Eaglie. Born December 5, 2001. Ten years ago.

You argue that he's only nine years old. You also were that horrible person who insisted the year 2000 wasn't the turn of the millennium and you are going to ruin Christmas this year.

Why does December 5th stick around? Why not July 4th?

I've told the story before. It is the day I first typed the name "Eaglie" as my label.

In the years since, I've discovered new reasons to keep the date:

Prohibition ended on December 5, 1933. That's when Americans ratified the 21st Amendment. As Ken Burns put it, Prohibition was the only time the U.S. Constitution was amended—key word: amended—to take away freedom rather than add to it. All other amendments have been meant to give Americans more freedom... or to add term limits. (And I'll add a personal story I told a few years back.)

And then, going through family documents, I learned my grandmother—my oma, as I'd call her if I'd known her—became an American that day. A German naturalized to an American citizen. My dad remembered his dad being so proud of her. And she was just as proud.

To me as an American (and as me), December 5th is as important as July 4th.

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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Wake Me Up When September 11th Turns 20

"Ten years ago" is a sorry way to lead a post on Sept. 11th, 2011. It would've had impact nine years ago. Not today.

The time I'm writing this, late on 09/11/11, I have heard "Empire State of Mind" far more than is comfortable, thanks to a Spike Lee commercial. I saw soldiers, Clydesdales, and a lot of small children attempt to warm the cockles of my heart. Some moments did, some didn't.

Simon Garfunkel was fine.

Questions remain ten years later. For example, at the WTC site memorial, how clogged with pennies will those twin reflecting pools get? And real questions like: where does our nation go from here? Where does Eaglie go from here?

I've said it before: Eaglie was forged that day of watching CNN on the crappy televisions in the school dining hall. The admin office gasping. Senor Kennedy crying. The F-16 patrol around the Chicago skyline shadowing us. Mr. Stonich teaching. And you'd have to know Mr. Stonich to know EXACTLY what that means.

More than any other event, the explosions shaped this character of mine. So I take this selfish moment to ask that question: where DOES Eaglie go from here? Maybe the next few months will tell. I AM working my mojo in a tech class.

On that ambiguous note, here's an archive of my September 11th posts (because you ever so wanted it). Apparently I didn't have a post in 2003:
9-11-2004
9-11-2005
9-11-2006
9-11-2007
9-11-2008
9-11-2009
9-11-2010
9-11-2011

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Monday, July 04, 2011

Proof Through the Night

Happy July 4th to anyone stumbling upon this page! Especially Americans, since it is our holiday. This holiday rings with such celebratory excitement and glee (not joy--that's saved for Christmas) that I can't help but sing along. Read the Declaration, read some satire of the Declaration... the usual American things.

And despite all our misgivings, all our wars, debts, and general stupidity, there's always room to bask in the awesomeness of our country. People STILL love coming here. SMART people. For example, British author Simon Winchester is getting his citizenship today after living in this country for years.

It's gallant of a proper British chap become an American this day and age--and aboard a warship that stood cannon-to-cannon against the British in 1812 to boot! Not many Americans can say that. None that I know personally. I'm almost jealous.

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Thursday, May 05, 2011

Still Alive This May Five...

You thought Eaglie and the Aviary was dead. (It's been since January since we've posted.) Well, we're not, which is more than I can say for some terrorists. We're more than alive. But things are moving fast: it's May 5th again, meaning it's the 8th anniversary of the beginning of this blog. The eggs of plans are coming up, I swear. I have billions of them to lay.

But, a word during this second post of 2011: nearly a decade ago, an idea began in the ash of a terrible September. A few months later, the chill of a December night created Eaglie. Two years later and Eaglie was blogging.

Eaglie was a high school student's product of a tragedy perpetrated by a terrible man with a beard. A teenager's image of a failing empire. A bird watcher's binocular view gone loony.

But maybe we aren't as bad off as we expected: democracy is in everyone's hearts and wings all these years later. As bin Laden gets a seaweed makeover, the Arab Spring continues to bloom and liberate peoples in the Middle East. And not to stand by and allow the Arabs all the credit, maybe America did usher in a new world order. Maybe the USA'll last long enough to see it! And maybe the Aviary helped!

Of course it did.

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Sunday, December 05, 2010

Remember My Birthday and Repeal Day!

Repeal Day and my birthday mix well, even if I was mostly alone. I spent the day drinking hot toddies alone due to a sore throat. (Yes, birds get sore throats.) Phlegm was coming out of every hole in my beak, and that isn't healthy for a human, let alone a bird. However, we've learned in the past few decades that alcohol solves everything, and you can't ban it, unless it makes your heart explode. You can ban it then.

Business-wise: I've been out of contact and not blogging, but still I should mention I've planned out a trip to Chicago for Christmas with Andy. I'll head with him and go see my parents in downstate Illinois. They're getting ready to fly a bit south. Eagles and humans have the same instincts in this way.

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Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Disenfranchised!

It feels weird to be disenfranchised and for it to be one's own fault.

I checked three weeks ago for policy on Illinois absentee ballots. The deadline was gone and dead.

No, the Internet can't solve my problems either. Instead, I went back to doing the other parts of my civic duty: the rest of my undemocratic life. But sadly, I won't get to vote in an election I've been urging people to vote in. The most important election of 2010.

There's a lack of control in my life today. I feel the need to sit on a couch and tell people that I'm at the mercy of all too many crazies.

But I don't worry. I don't despair. Andy and I are going to go bake a cake.

P.S.

THIS.

IS.

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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Night of the Living Tea Party

Out of the woodworks in the past two years came the Tea Party here in America. I know this is old news, but they've been terrifying the populace, eating brains, and spreading by virus and dogma. Thankfully, it hasn't crossed the borders into Mexico or gone overseas yet.

One must be careful these days as these "Tea Baggers" attack shopping malls and town halls, not to mention undocumented housekeepers. One must speak softly and carry a shotgun. And it needs to be loaded with bullets rather than logic. They're immune to logic at this point.

Top scientists race and hope to find a cure someday. Or at least a vaccine for those of us to fight back with. First we have to find the gene that makes people innately angry and unreasonable. It might involve a healthier economic climate with growth in stocks and consumer spending, leading to swift job creation and a steady increase in the market, leading to a smaller trade gap and a lessened national debt. But only the top scientists can tell us in time.

Good Halloween night, and good luck, America.

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Friday, October 29, 2010

Rally and Restore America, Sirs and Madams!

I'm going to Washington, D.C, and my preference is to keep fear alive. (As "sanity" is not in my vocabulary.) Washington is a lovely-sounding city where I've almost never been except when I went that one time with Andy and his family and saw everything but the kitchen sink of the Library of Congress. Of course the Library of Congress has a kitchen! It also has a Make-Out Point! That's in the ,69.SUTRA stacks. (Over 5,000 editions and almost as many positions!)

Though the link to that trip's log is long broken. I should fix that.

I'll see you, my readers, again when the weekend's out. When Halloween hits, actually. I'll have a report when I get back from my lovely eight to ten-hour bus ride through all the highlights, like Smelly, New York, and Dorky, Pennsylvania.

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Saturday, September 11, 2010

So I Forgot

Sue me and donate the proceeds or something.

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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Hitting the Road in August--Boston, Here Eaglie Comes!

Andy and I are in the throes of moving, the most American of pastimes. What is more American than dangerously over-stuffing a minivan and swerving about the highways and byways of this great nation?

Moving allows you to:
  • Discover new places to be bigoted about.

  • Make one's way in the world only to discover the skyrocketing price of gas means you're going to have to "borrow" from the people still inside the Hardee's at the Oasis (bring a funnel and some Altoids).

  • Buy new IKEA furniture.

  • Do the necessary research on an apartment after you've signed the lease, just like a Senate Appropriations Committee.

  • Live in squalor and swear you won't next year, all the way up to the point that you lazily resign the same lease.

I should add an addendum: moving is the most American of pastimes only if the move is to another part of America, which is exactly where we're going. Boston.

We're going to Boston, where Andy will hit the books, get this website working, and get laid. Oh, and I should rediscover America instantly and feel inspired.

Until we're situated in our dingy new apartment with Internet/manage to steal Wi-Fi, I'll just be on Twitter. Follow @eaglie.

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Sunday, July 04, 2010

How American

The bans on buying handguns in several Midwest towns (Chicago and Oak Park, Il.) were essentially overturned by the Supreme Court.

The Gulf of Mexico has been handing out free fossil fuels to all its neighbors.

And we're still terrible at soccer. At least on defense.

How American. Happy Birthday to all of us, guys!

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

American Exceptionalisms to Soccer

American exceptionalism: we take exception to the game of soccer. When the World Cup kicked off last Friday, I figured something out: there is something distinctly un-American about soccer. We Americans like scores. We like close-ups. We like tackling without sliding. We like funny commercials. Ad companies (i.e. Americans) like funny commercials. Let's see:

___ Scoring
___ Close-ups of awesome action during the game
___ Tackling (without sliding)
___ Funny commercials, maybe involving a cute baby
___ Americans winning

No checks. Soccer fails this list miserably, so most Americans aren't going to like soccer very soon. The ones that will aren't me.

But, hey! USA tied a game with England last Saturday! We might do pretty well in this bracket! Go Team USA! Beat Slovenia and Algeria next! And go Soccer! WOOOOO! BUUZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

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Friday, June 04, 2010

I Knew Breaking Up Standard Oil Was a Bad Idea

It's an environmental disaster! Do something before it gets worse than the Exxon Valdez! It will lead to the destruction of the Gulf Coast people and their homes! Do something, please, before it's worse than Hurricane Katrina! Nothing we can do about it while it makes the shrimping industry extinct? OH GOD, SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING, NOW!!! TOO MUCH!!!

The British Petroleum oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico has been going for weeks now. In that time, we've seen the rare: perfect games in baseball, ALMOST-perfect games in baseball, and the rarest sight of all, a Chicago sports team on the verge of winning a championship.

We've seen politicians backtrack on stupid statements made years ago. We've seen almost-covert military operations by Israel. And we saw someone get named an American Idol by text message. Not exactly rare things these days, but all these things, all the while, oil leaked out of the earth and into our seafood.

Sigh. I will resign on this. There is no hope. That squeeze bottle of cocktail sauce in my fridge... so much will be wasted.

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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Chicago to New York, Sunset to Sunrise

I have nine hours in Gotham to do everything from tap-dancing on gilded streets to ice-skating on the roof of Rockefeller Center. At least I imagine this will be the case. I can't go many places because the flight lands at 10 pm and leaves for Chicago again at 9 am. It's late for gallivanting in New York, but Andy and I will be fine. We can make it there. No "if."

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I Double-Down on the Awesome Power of Wikipedia #7

All this talk of the KFC Double Down Sandwich got me hungry. Two breaded chicken chunks, two slices of cheese, and bacon. (Side note: where's the lettuce to make this a proper chicken-fried BLT?)

The media and the Internet can't stop talking about it. The advertising is brazen, full of smiling people calling bread dead. I saw news sites looking for reviews of it from average people. And they got plenty of those. It's something like a trolling of America--how many people can KFC fill with rage and inane rambling chatter?

But I'm not thinking about the Double Down anymore. Not me. It's past tense. I buy from my local Harold's Chicken Shack and dump Kraft Cheese and bacon into the Styrafoam box. It works the same while supporting local business. I'm a locavore kind of carnivore.

No, I stopped thinking of the Double Down when my friend Alex reminded me of the sweet, sweet taste of a hamburger meant for the discerning adult who happened to take his or her kids to McDonald's in the 1990s: the Arch Deluxe. (Bonus: I found a whole template devoted to McDonald's!)

Called "one of the most expensive flops of all time" by Wikipedia contributors, the Arch Deluxe wasn't subject to the same fast-food-hating hyperbole as the Double Down. People weren't calling the Arch Deluxe a "salt bomb" or "abomination." Kids didn't get it, and neither did adults. Unlike KFC's Double Down, a creation that will be hailed in the annals of the Internet (by way of the Chicago Tribune) as a "meat-glorb."

And that is the Awesome Power of Wikipedia.

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

I'm Ready for My Close-Up, O'Hare

Yes, I'm flying. In a plane. Tomorrow. That means I get to be among the first to "wag my tail" for the body scanners at O'Hare International Airport. Well, actually, thousands have already gone through since they opened--it's a busy airport--but I'm the first I know.

Tomorrow, a 3-D image of my body will become property of the U.S. Government. Appendages, crevices, and all. And I hope they take a good look at it because, soon enough, they won't be able to get rid of it for any preexisting conditions.

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Saturday, February 13, 2010

The 2010 Winter Olympics!

Did you watch the opening of Vancouver's Olympics last night? Probably not, unless you're Moldovan, since national pride moved them to send an athlete or two.

I did. And I enjoyed native son Donald Sutherland's voiceover, the other announcers' McKenzie Boy accents and giant light-up bear (photo from NPR). But why the bear? And why Vancouver?

The bear's an easy question: Vancouver is a place of ancestral and wild spirits. Hence the light show with whales and wolves and moose. Also, Coca-Cola is still in the winter season of its ad campaign cycle.

Vancouver itself is close to Seattle, Wash., but is actually too far north to be part of the U.S. As part of Canada, Vancouver is a very snowy, cold place, though there isn't any snow at the moment which is why Olympic officials are scrambling to build a weather machine. (My suggestion: ask Bill Gates.) The city is in the southwest corner of British Columbia, which is NOT Saskatchewan or even remotely close to any place Ellen Page is from.

Stay tuned for more comprehensive coverage like that!

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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Veterans Are Like Onions...

...they're bloomin'!

Outback Steakhouse is offering free Bloomin' Onions and a coke for all veterans out there. Applebee's is offering free dinner. You'll have to hurry up though, as there's only an hour left to reap the rewards of your sacrifices, veterans!

It was the least we could do.

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Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Whoa, Strange Dream

Did anyone notice an election yesterday? Or was I just sick with deja vu?

Virginia and New Jersey get GOP governors! Democrats wins the New York 23rd District due to moderate Republicans getting smacked around by the looming birther/tea-party-enthusiast alliance! New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg wins (again)! A sci-fi show insults Obama (kinda)! The Right swallows its own tail (definitely)!

I'll go with "none of the above": I just received a bit of head trauma and don't remember the head trauma.

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Monday, October 05, 2009

For All of You that Lost Money Based on My Olympic Odds