Monday, July 31, 2006
No one in the Cubs organization reads this blog, I can tell now. They traded him to the Dodgers.
I was riding the train when I saw a film crew at Wilson, with a lot of people in suits and one of them being John C. Reilly. They were filming a movie called Quebec on the Wilson L stop. Quebec... filmed in Chicago. Didn't they film Chicago in Toronto?
Sunday, July 30, 2006
By the way... DON'T TRADE GRED MADDUX, DAMNIT!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I'm spoken to many on The Simpsons being the best cartoon ever and how it's lost its luster and capitulated to South Park as the funniest, smartest cartoon on the airwaves.
However, there are moments when we still see why The Simpsons has been the best cartoon ever: Catholic vs. Protestant Heaven
I spent all these years with a crush on her, and she had to go get pregnant... again... and not by me!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Blizzard announces a new expansion pack!
Bughouse Square Debates
Saturday, July 29, 11:00 AM - 6:00 PM
Held in Washington Square Park
Bring your loudest heckling voice for an afternoon of soapbox oratory, Bughouse music, and poetry. Prizes will be awarded to the best speakers and hecklers. Exercise your first-amendment rights and relive the exciting public debates that immortalized Washington Square Park. Enjoy music and historical reenactments. Afterwards, voice your opinions on today's issues in our open-mic segment.
Admission is free to both events. For information, call (312) 255-3510.
Prizes for hecklers?!?! I'm winning myself a big ol' teddy bear then!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
July 21st was my, Andy's, birthday. I went out to Naperville for a Dave Barry book signing, all about Peter and the Shadow Thieves.
First off, Dave seems very dorky in person, but he's very comfortable speaking publically. Ridley Pearson, not so much. But Dave was quite funny... actually, he was exactly how I act in front of an audience I realize... and he had the kids (this is a children's book signing) and the adults laughing pretty constantly. Ridley was still pretty funny and personable, too, but you could see Dave is the much more magnetic personality.
Dave and Ridley talked a lot about going on tax-deductible fact-finding missions to London. They discussed working together, and their love of this new kind of writing the two were doing. Finally, they read a chapter from the book, Ridley dressed in a shadowy cloak, and Dave in a Robin Hood-esque hat.
I met some people in line that were huge Dave Barry fans. However, one kind of upset me by being so cynical and scoffing about how Dave should be writing humor, not kids' books. Two others I met (two I quite liked meeting) were later featured prominently on Dave's blog. The Dave fans were kind of rabid... I felt a little bad for Ridley, since he was getting much less of the attention.
In line, I was asked by one of the shopkeepers if I wanted a personalization slip. I asked, wait, I need to sign waivers or something? And she stared a moment, then asked my name. She then put my name on a sticky tab and placed it in my book.
Woweeeee, I was up and talking to them! I told them how I'd read Dave a good portion of my life and I was promising myself I'd read Ridley Pearson's books later. I took a picture with them (which will be developed and posted soon), and then my dad whispered to Dave it was my birthday...
Dave and Ridley then went into a rowsing, somewhat drunken chorus of "Happy Birthday," and they trailed off at my name. I thanked them through my sputtering laughs, and headed off with my book and a blush to my face.
Dave has a great handshake, by the way.
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Saturday, July 22, 2006
Yesterday was awesome. More at 11.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
These are kind of disturbing. Especially the Claymation one called "Jews Turn into Apes and Pigs in an Clay-mation Film for Children on Hizbullah TV."
I also just realized that posting this will probably get me trackbacked on a few FBI watchlists.
A few months ago, Dave Barry reported that Art Buchwald, a fellow humorist, was dying. I reported on his article, and so I picked up a book of his. He's a great writer, and oddly enough, I have new news about him. Apparently, he's doing better.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Another quick thought: is Chicagoland so weird that we'd allow a comatose man be nominated to be our county board president, then allow that man to nominate his son to replace him?
Thinking back on it, maybe God should've made the Israelites' Promised Land somewhere in Antarctica.
Monday, July 17, 2006
This. Is. Awesome.
The Amazing Screw-On Head
Saturday, July 15, 2006
By the way, we here at the Aviary enjoyed Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest thoroughly. In case you were wondering where we stood.
Friday, July 14, 2006
I feel peppy today. I think I'll take an El ride.
ED. NOTE: In place of Eaglie's humor today, we have the Uncyclopedia article on Calvin & Hobbes.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
How cool does this sound?
"Mr. X, a mysterious man who is apparently exceedingly wealthy, has created a fleet of 1920s replica luxury cruise ships designed as playgrounds for a sick game he enjoys to watch. He sends out free tickets on his cruise ships to coerce people into what appears to be an amazing opportunity. However, once they board the ship they discover that if they don't participate in Mr. X's game, they and their family will die. He wants to watch you all murder each other until only one is left standing...but be sure no one sees you do it or you wind up in jail. Each time you murder your quarry Mr. X will reward you with cash. The game is very deep, featuring a needs system such as going to the bathroom, eating, drinking, etc. This prevents camping, and let me tell you there is nothing like following your quarry into the bathroom and putting an axe in their back while they try to take care of business... The needs system combined with being followed by your own personal hunter makes for a very strategic game of planning on how you want to approach the hunt. You need to balance making sure you aren't being stalked by your hunter, trying to kill your quarry without being seen, and managing your own bodily needs."
Here's a review (with screenshots!).
Everyone, relax for a moment. They're all okay.
How, in India, the luck is not the same. Keep the victims, their families, and their friends in your hearts.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Why don't I just start calling this blog "Dave Barry News: The Blog?"
Politicians to buy profiles on Facebook?
Oh, I'm absolutely politically giddy.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Learn something about my city here.
I was going to make a "France Surrenders" joke, but that would be as classless as Zinedine Zidane headbutting someone in the chest.
Hank: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country: Italy or France?
Hank: [chuckles] Nobody ever says Italy. [sets the coordinates of a giant laser gun]
Walking from the Taste down Jackson yesterday, I ran into a group of people handing out Jesus flyers. Behind them, on the fence, they had placed a banner that read "He is not here! He is risen!" It was a painting of Jesus, hovering over a fresh grave, with several gravestones nearby. The gravestones read "JFK", "Here Lies Buddha", and "Here Lies Muhammed", to name a few.
Moments later, a man dressed as an angel (wings, halo, white robe, white paint all over his body, roller skates, bald head) appeared on the street corner (Jackson and Michigan). I thought for a moment this was too perfect, until a brass section (several trumpets and trombones) struck up a tune across the street, the tune being the Theme for Monty Python's Flying Circus. I fell over laughing.
I have pictures, I just don't (or don't care to) know how to upload them to my computer.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Visit to Dachau becomes a journey of liberation by Michelle Kaufman
(Yes, she is also known as Mrs. Dave Barry to me... but she's a great writer in her own right)
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Read the bad news first.
And now, to cheer you up, something somewhat related.
(Both pieces are old news, but hey, if you haven't heard about them, you can thank me. Otherwise, bugger off!)
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I heard something exploded while I was gone. Was it the Brazilian soccer team?
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Scott Adams on the flag-burning amendment. In case you didn't guess, I agree with him. And now, to sum this all up:
Amendment: I'm not garbage!
I'm an amendment to be,
Yes, an amendment to be,
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me!
There's a lot of flag burners
Who have got too much freedom,
And I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em!
'Cause there's limits to our liberties,
'Least I hope and pray that there are,
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.
Boy: But why can't we just make a law against flag burning?
Amendment: Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the Constitution...
Boy: Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
Amendment: Now you're catching on.
Boy: But what if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?
Amendment: Then I'll crush all opposition to me
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay.
If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay.
Narrator: Good news, amendment. They ratified you. You're in the U.S. Constitution.
Amendment: Oh, yeah! Door's open, boys!
Lisa: So it's true. Some cartoons do encourage violence.
When I'm back from Wisconsin, I'll get you guys and gals the goods again.