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Thursday, September 16, 2010
Me and Andy leave Chicago for one minute and everything in Chicago happens! Unless you live under a rock or somewhere besides the Chicagoland-Northwest Indiana area, you've heard that Mayor Richard M. Daley of Chicago will not run for a seventh term. That means, in May, for the first time in 21 years, a Daley will not be Mayor of Chicago. And in the past 55 years, Daleys have handled 42. Without King Richard II, there would've been much less graft. Okay, you're killing me. This is CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, we're talking about. There will ALWAYS be graft. And greed. And corruption. And governors getting fitted for stripes. The difference is that Richie Daley knew how to work that system. Very, very well. I mean, he looks almost clean! Other mayors have always struggled to hold the feuding factions (blacks, whites, Hispanics, the Polish) of the city together. He (and his father) worked this system to make the City of Chicago into what it is today. A shining jewel of the Midwest--the sparkling center of a region that's turned to rust. Richie has been mayor a super-majority of my life. I shed a tear for him. REALLY! I will miss him, and I worry for my city without him. Labels: Chicago, Midwestern Values, Politics
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Yes, I'm flying. In a plane. Tomorrow. That means I get to be among the first to "wag my tail" for the body scanners at O'Hare International Airport. Well, actually, thousands have already gone through since they opened--it's a busy airport--but I'm the first I know. Tomorrow, a 3-D image of my body will become property of the U.S. Government. Appendages, crevices, and all. And I hope they take a good look at it because, soon enough, they won't be able to get rid of it for any preexisting conditions. Labels: America, Chicago, Midwestern Values, Travel
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
...they're bloomin'! Outback Steakhouse is offering free Bloomin' Onions and a coke for all veterans out there. Applebee's is offering free dinner. You'll have to hurry up though, as there's only an hour left to reap the rewards of your sacrifices, veterans! It was the least we could do. Labels: America, Midwestern Values
Friday, September 18, 2009
Mary Travers, an icon of the protest-with-flowers-and-guitars movement, died two days ago. And there is one song I put on repeat all day yesterday, and you can guess: it's not about white doves sailing and times a-changing: "Puff the Magic Dragon" is about--besides the obvious--nostalgia. More specifically, the death of childhood, growing up and remembering playing on Cherry Lane. This is exactly what America is about. America is nostalgic. Everyone these days is having parties themed by decade, writing books about small towns and small-town politicians, and referencing old toy commercials. They even just released a video game about The Beatles. Why is such a young country stuck in a fleeting past? Britain has been the same empire for a thousand years with only a few minor coups, civil wars, and political beheadings, so they have a right to be nostalgic. Us? We're barely over 200, and we're already calling the new democracies "whippersnappers," even though they, just like us, only like a good roadside fireworks show. After the Soviets gave up and the walls tumbled nearly two decades ago, weren't we supposed to bring about a New World Order, sans Hulk Hogan? America, why are we so stuck in the past? It's because they don't make cartoons like this anymore: Labels: America, History, Midwestern Values, Music, Mythology, Tribute
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
No, wait, I've got a better one than the title: Saved by the Bolsheviks' Drums! And then they can have a Bread Line Years edition. In a half hour, President Obama will indoctrinate the nation's children, which I understand scares many parents. I mean, this is a national scale this guy is telling kids to keep reading, riting, and rithmeticking. I understand exactly why so many are afraid. I've forgotten to study up beforehand on the speech (but glancing at it, I realized I sometimes wonder how Mr. Obama's speech teachers all felt). Rest assured, though, I will be watching and listening live, and scanning for subliminal lasers shooting out of my computer. Labels: Edutainmentacation, Midwestern Values, Politics
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Well, maybe not, but it's still disgusting. And really, really clever. (I really needed to do that title. So many puns, all bottled up after not making them for a few weeks there! So, I promise: more puns on the Aviary, from here on in.) Labels: Midwestern Values, Science/Technology
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
He's flying the coop... heading west like Fievel, they say (more like how I say). Friend of the Blog and Andy, Chris Edwards, is going to be a star. At least that's what he says. And Andy. And, begum, I believe it when those two finally agree on something. Just kidding, you two. Californie-way's a good fit for a man like Chris. Even a whole family of Chrises (not that I'm implying anything about his personal life). Andy promises me we'll go that way someday, too. He promises it'll be a better life, but I'd go only t'sitesee and spit on a few stars (not just the ones in the sidewalk, I mean). Californie-way calls to the best a' us in ev'ry gen'ration. An' there ain't many better. Congrats an' enjoy it, Chris. Maybe me and Andy'll join ya. For a better life, down tha' dusty road an' away from tha'dusty bowl. (Pack 'er up an' move fer Manifest Dest'ny, righ', Andy? An' don' worry: there ain't no spacific accent I were intendin'... Southern? Steinbeckian? West Side?) ("Spacific" pun intended.) Labels: Language, Midwestern Values, Travel, Tribute
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A few tail feathers cracked off this morning, the night after me and Andy, like morons, playing in the snow. At night. Serves me right for thinking I could trap that long pass from Dubs of "The Monster Raving Looney Rantings of Dubs." I also feel like I'm coughing a frozen lung out of my gizzard, which I didn't expect to be physically possible. All anyone can talk about in Chicago is this weather. There's a foot and a half of snow out, another blizzard touched just north of us, and the mercury's not getting to zero today. So, no more going outside! I'm booting up video games, possibly a few maps set in deserts and tropical areas: I plan to keep all my tail feathers for another day. I've got a while 'til I molt and gain those back. Speaking of more birds playing football, this one's abandoning us. P.S. Totally burned Andy. Frozen wings over frozen boots and ankles, any day! Labels: Midwestern Values, Weather
Monday, December 29, 2008
I was forwarded this recently:  EDIT - Forgot to credit Andy's mom for forwarding that one. Labels: Midwestern Values, Politics
Thursday, December 25, 2008
The forecast for the Midwest: cold, freezing rain, snow, more rain, more cold, and a warm-up threatening flash flood warnings. Ho, ho, ho! Also, still off visiting with family and friends, but I'm REALLY looking forward to the lake-effect snow adding to the flooding. I love Christmastime! Labels: Holiday Magic, Midwestern Values
Saturday, November 29, 2008
They always talk about Black Friday, and I don't see why. Mostly I sat around and ate cornish hens. They're these little turkey-like creatures that even humans can eat like snacks. Delicious, and they leave the CUTEST little wishbones. I began shopping, but mostly by avoiding the stampedes and lemming herds by hitting up the geek T-shirt sites. I have a very easy list to check off. Anyway, keep having a great Happy Thanksgiving break (I say it again), readers! I'd keep writing, but it turns out these cornish hens contain at least as much tryptophan as turkeys. Probably a higher concentration in that little bodies, those bastards. And there was the schnapps... Labels: Holiday Magic, Midwestern Values
Friday, November 14, 2008
206 votes is all that separates a comedian from the Senate seat in Minnesota, officially making the state a joke. What kind of joke, however, will depend on how Sen. Franken legislates. Will it be legislately HA-HA? Or Legislately HE-HE? Yet let's not get ahead of ourselves (too late with the "HE HE" joke). Mr. Franken has LOST the seat as of right now. That's what those 206 votes mean. That's what "separates... from the Senate seat in Minnesota" means. 206 is a tiny number, when you think about it, but then you remember it is Minnesota. Even the entire population of Lake Wobegon couldn't rescue Franken, save a recount--which is exactly what's happening right now. A frozen Florida replay! But thank the Lutheran God for Minnesota: without it, this election would have had such an anticlimatic, Deus Ex Machina ending, one so inspiring, orderly, and boring that none of us in the media (legitimate or not) would know what to do. Again, thank You for the humorous makeup of electoral laws. And don't forget to give us cynics back Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska). Labels: Midwestern Values, Politics
Monday, October 27, 2008
But didn't McCain just give up on Wisconsin? Publisher Houghton Mifflin (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, for those keeping score) pulled a no-no by placing a few words from Sen. Barack Obama in a literature textbook. (He is, of course, almost a president, a problem for anyone in publishing, you see.) My favorite part is the righteousness I picture in her voice when she says how much more interesting a story about the life of a POW in Vietnam would be than a community organizer from the South Side of Chicago. There are some who would... not ME, certainly... who would imply these were pretty comparable situations. Because that would be mean and bigoted. And I would never imply such a thing, and would prefer you forget about those thoughts and think about happier things. Heroism... diversity... bombastic marches... Labels: Midwestern Values, Politics |
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