Eaglie's Aviary

Monday, September 29, 2008

Credit Crunch: 777 Calories!

Are you KIDDING me? Putting politics, partisanship, and Pelosis aside, the Dow dropped 777 points IN ONE DAY? That's a trillion dollars, a figure I'm too lazy to look up. I'm figuring on starting a shoeshine business now, except I don't think I'll have the credit to fund the rag.

(The unfunny irony is that this is the one thousand, 666th post ever on the Aviary. Fitting, if you subtract the first one thousand.)

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Saturday, September 27, 2008

To Paul Newman

"The History of Bolivia"
A poem by Richard Brautigan
Reprinted from this website.

"Butch didn't die in Bolivia. He came
home to Utah-- I saw him after he got back.
The Sundance Kid was killed in Bolivia
and it grieved Butch to leave him there."

Next, to reprint that when Robert Redford dies.


Friday, September 26, 2008

Milk with New Sex Appeal

What sort of business model and branding can they start using with this?


Totally a Definite Sign of Things to Come

Here are the results of an Xbox Live poll:

Obama/Biden - 43 percent
McCain/Palin - 31 percent
Undecided - 13 percent
Other - 13 percent

The polls never lie, either. However, the most common write-in candidate was not Ron Paul as popularly expected: it was "Screw You and Your Freakin' Commercials, Bill Gates!" All were sent by Michael Richards, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, and Jason Alexander of former Seinfeld fame.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008


I mean, I go through all this trouble yesterday to tell everyone that I finally picked my candidate for Nov. 4th, and they don't even mention me?!


UH OH (For Cubs Fans)

With the Large Hadron Collider out of commission for at least two months, more than it will take for the Cubs to possibly win the World Series, I believe it will be tough luck for the Cubs to win it and End It All in the process. As a distraught Cubs fan in the face of this water-tight analysis, I can only pray for a meteor.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I'm Dressing up as President Sarah Palin, the Scariest of All!

I saw orangish-brown maple leaves today. So, happy autumn (or Fall-O-Ween, as some corporate newswriters are calling it in Illinois), my loyal Avians and mistaken ornithologists!

Some things are normal: my Cubbies are playing inconsequential games in September again, if only until the less seasonal postseason (and there is more of that even less seasonal winning). And at least one Chicago team is breaking hearts... due to their own stupidity, the refs' amplification of that stupidity, and (it never fails) the awesome play of an ex-quarterback.

But most importantly, it's time to dust off the nests, podiums, and archaic chad jokes: we're in an election year. And I, Officer Eaglie Puppydogg XIV, am FINALLY declaring my endorsement with this final month and two weeks and one or two days of lawsuits to go.

You ready for it? You might be surprised, but you won't be spoiled--highlight the text below to find out who:

ELVIS PRESLEY-HARPO MARX: Now THERE'S a ticket with experience!

Sorry, I tease.


Yes, Senator McCain is a veteran and deserves all the respect he can lift. But veterans are not commanders per se. Torture is definitely not a reason to be president. Neither is that creepy smile-and-thumbs-up thing he has going. That, and the intelligent conservatives are jumping ship. Yes, that's an article by George Will.

Why? I believe you can ask Gov. Sarah Palin. Once a electoral battle of American generations (much like how Jack Kennedy made it into office), this dinosaur-fearing woman turned it back into a gender, racial, and ideological... ahem... race. One with terrible divisions rather than a thought of who would do better to heal wounds, the baby boomer or the Gen Xer. Now, it's the ultra-conservatives versus everyone else again, so let's hope everyone else includes everyone else.

Thus, I am going back on my original pledge not to stump for anyone... which I may or may not have said out loud. If I didn't, stomp your foot twice and wink, then forget that I ever mentioned this. (I am not in the habit of flip-flopping.)

Barack Obama '08.


Monday, September 22, 2008

When Comedy and Zoology Collide

Definitely seems a little too convenient, doesn't it?

(And God rest you, Steve Irwin. It was two years ago this month.)


Sunday, September 21, 2008

Cubs Playoff Hunt-Watch Becomes Cubs National League Championship Series Hunt-Watch

So either I have a fever (Cubs pennant race fever), or I am STILL hungover from the division clincher yesterday. The pre-med student I know says probably both. GO, CUBS, GO!!!

(Picture link hosted by Bleed Cubbie Blue, and you know, that's the second time in two years I've seen that sign. And it still isn't tiring.)


Saturday, September 20, 2008

Cubs Playoff Hunt-Watch: 1 Win or Brewers Loss to Go!

Hey, we could be celebrating in a few hours after a climactic Cubs win! Or maybe after an anti-climactic Brewers loss! But all in all, we ARE heading dangerously close to an Apocalypse, but probably the best kind: two Cubs division titles in the same number of years and a few more things (detailed as the Aviary's new site description). Oh, and our new Apocalyptic anthem, from Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder. (Of course the End comes with a folk song: did you expect anything less?)

And the obligatory MySpace to a low-quality version of the song is here. And yes, there are less reputable versions of the song, up for download. But I suggest you search for those yourself: the less links to them, the longer they'll stay online.

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Funny We Should Be Talking About Drugs...

NASCAR and Doping?

Somehow, I never expected drugs to be a problem for CAR RACING. I suppose it's all misleading, since it is not about steroids: it's about heroin mostly. But I really was hoping for NASCAR people to be doping. Maybe with some of those caffeine pills, or Spice?

(I suppose my labels are a little misleading, too. NASCAR, a sport?)

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Talk Like A Pirate Like It's 2008!

Ahoy, laddies, ladies, an'chumbuckets! Sittin'ere this mornin' wit'm'grog (warm water an'coffee grounds), this ol' Salty Bird remembered t'post wi'a li'l pirattitude! So wither ya be dressed as mad ol' Blackbeard or Jimmy Buffett (who nary be a swashbuckler, but some swashbucklers be lis'nin' t'him), pick up th'phone! Tell yer scurvy mateys! Celebrate w'ol' Greasy Dirk Eags! Or, maybe, the Somalis.


Thank God for 4Chan!

When the Internet and politics collide, it's a party! A daggummed, privacy-invasion-style party!

As Maura Johnston pointed out in the comments, "of course she uses yahoo. OF COURSE."

Followed by ShitloadOfDimes, "Not cool enough for gmail!"

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"Oktoberfest" and "Driving" in the Same Article?

It's true. Bavaria's state premier Gunther Beckstein claims Germans can drive home from Oktoberfest, as long as they don't try to take those two-liter mugs with them in the trunk. Way too much for German autos on the Bahn.

And did you catch the stunning journalism in the headline? "Beckstein hammered for drink driving comments." Quite clever of them (I hope they actually understand that Americanism/Englishism and didn't pull an Engrish)! And it's European, too, with the whole "drink driving" instead of "drunk."


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Can Never Forget the Necessities of An Election

Palin has been Flashed! As happens to all good, bad, and stupid politicians... a phrase which is two-thirds an oxymoron. And don't forget the obligatory form-based name generator!

Eaglie, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Drink Hack Palin

Who knows, Drink Hack Palin you just might be president one day!

Beat that, Andy!


Remember Back in the Day, When It Was for the Price of a Gallon of Gas?

The times: they are a-changin':

Finally, the coffeehouse crowd gets affordable insurance! You know, the kind that isn't their parents'.

And in case you were wondering about that asterisk:

*Assuming an average price per-Latte of $2.75. Based on a survey of the most affordable health insurance options available as quoted on www.ehealthinsurance.com on 05/10/08 for non-smoking 25-year-old males and females in the following states: AZ, CA, FL, GA, IL, IN, MI, NC, OH, PA, TX, VA, WA. Does not apply to residents of New York and Trenton, NJ.

Always with the smoking bans, too.

(Sent by alert reader Andy's Mom. I really hope it WAS her too, or else maybe Andy has someone to beat up.)


Monday, September 15, 2008

Karl Rove Don't Like That. Karl Rove Don't Like You.

Oh, that's rich: Karl Rove is injecting personality and insidiousness into the campaign for what is certainly not the first and probably not the last time. And he is attempting to be nonpartisan about it. In other words, John McCain AND Barack Obama: Karl Rove says, don't do that. Karl Rove don't like that. Stop being vicious, mean, and character-assassinating. He don't like that, and he don't like you.


GraphJam.com Is Fast Becoming My Favorite URL

While I disagree with the "rodent" line (they are very easy to lure into snuggling and prompt eating with cheese or peanut butter), I don't disagree with the "bird" line: I am quite ornery* when hungry.

* - (n.) to be pissed off, like a bird, in the Latin


Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Polls Show...

Election season brings out the weirdos, but you knew that.

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One Not-Hitter for Zambrano

A Cubs victory over the Astros in Milwaukee! No-hitter for Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano! The eighth in team history (not many less than the number of Cubs' pennants)! The first in Andy's lifetime! The last one was in 1972, and two were thrown that year by the whole team.

I remember 1972. It was 36 years ago.


Friday, September 12, 2008

So the Pope Walks into a Bar Mitzvah...

Apparently, humor is light at the Vatican. Or really dark. Or doesn't exist.

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How Much Energy Does It Take to Split the Favre?

Could we try it with the Hadron Collider?

(Spotted on Dave Barry's Blog.)


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Happy Late 9/11!

The last September 11th with George Bush as President! Ever!




...he doesn't have a son, does he?

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Apocalypse Waiting

While the Collider has made its first revolution or so, I was just informed that nothing will be smashed into anything until a month from now. About the time the Cubs could be winning a World Series. Actually, with this ominous of a sign, I'd bet on them winning.

For now, I will continue to drink heavily and hope someone steps up to save the free Men of the world.

(Link from Kotaku.)

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I most certainly do NOT need the help. I am doing perfectly fine, even bumping into all the right women in the hallways. They want me.

BONUS! Let's have a Caption Contest on the picture! I'm thinking something along the lines of, "LOOK OUT, KOALA! Creepy oversexed American is behind you!"


Yesterday, 9/8c, the Day Before Hadron Colliding...

The cult hits of the 1990s, The X-Files, Millennium, that Jessica Alba show, and Buffy specifically, and The X-Files even more specifically, led the way for nerdy television viewership. It led me to see the shadow around every turn, the monster under every bed, and the conspiracy in every cereal box.

Now, a new show in a long line of recent one-word-one-title shows, Fringe, has come to occupy the hyped world of Nerd HD. Avoiding the heated discussions of the producer's shaky camerawork in an earlier work, Andy and I caught the first episode, a roaring hour and 35 minutes (with commercial breaks punctuated by x-ray shots proclaiming how many seconds each break would be, which was useful while also trying to watch a tied-up Cubs game--if they keep this feature, scratch any criticisms of this show, ever. I mean, I can TIME my bathroom breaks... INC! POTTY!).

The premise is highly new millennium: terror is alive in this world, and Homeland Security is working to save us all from telekinesis. Anna Torv plays a wonderful new character who is certainly NOT Scully. She is adorable and the protagonist. Denethor (John Noble) makes his debut as a madcap scientist, Dr. Bishop. The man has got old, mad, and estranged from a son right. Pacey from Capeside--AKA a Creek named after another guy, a guy named Dawson--AKA Joshua Jackson--plays the estranged son. He is in Iraq when we first meet him and seems dumb as a rock until he starts spouting various scientific things two-thirds of the way through. The head of ever-*cough*mysterious Homeland Security makes an appearance and gave me Assistant Director Kersh vibes. As the episode went on though, it became obvious he was just been stolen from another, more recent show. And we can't forget Agent Whatshisname who may or may not be a plot point. Did I mention this had spoilers?

The show invites former X-Philes (Ex-Philes), nay, it challenges them to get in the seat and compare and contrast. It's a middle school essay contest, only with less ESP and more writing on arms.

Compare: A disease that reminds us all of the first movie, gelatinous skin and everything? And also "The Pine Bluff Variant," if you happen to REALLY need the nerdy and gory details of the atmosphere. Former M-S shippers already are lining up with their bookies. Oh, and the text announcing each location!

Actually this text invites a contrast. The text is added into the scene. I repeat: it is added into the scene. I really don't know how to explain that any more. It is a 3-D, metallic text that looks diegetic (in the scene, damn it!), but it is not actually there. People walk through, planes fly through, and squirrels bury nuts in the Os without ever noticing. It seems like a desperate cry out to contrast with The X-Files, CSI, and all other investigation shows.

All in all though, this feels like The X-Files, only with a heavier heart from years of the War on Terror, and with less chemistry from its main actors. However, it plays on one nice twist to The Great X-Files Two-Agent Conspiracy-Hunting Formula: they USE the ESP, teleportation, reincarnation, and other paranormal phenomena. And that might keep my interest until 9/8c next Tuesday.

But for now: Byers!

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Everyone's Talking about the End of the World

I'm against it. That is, the end of the world, no matter how much it will teach us. Plus, do you KNOW how many times I've typed "Hardon Collider" instead of "Hadron"? By the way, I did it in that sentence, too. Twice.

Anyway, here's to the end of this rocky little solar system! I'm getting a drink.



Oh wait... it's a serious article.


Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Yes, That Last Post Was Made More Pertinent By This Being "Spore" Week

It finally shipped! Order #&#$^%*&#$$@, here you come!


Do NOT Get Rushed

The picture alone just SCREAMS, "All for the Overmind!"

But otherwise, cooooooooooooool.

(From the ol' news feed.)

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Sen. Horrible for President!

Now, time for them to team up to take over the world, but then betray each other by the end of the next half-hour. Or maybe it's a two-parter.

(From friend of the blog saxifridge's LJ.)


Monday, September 08, 2008

Spore Count Is Low

No God/Darwin game review today? No Origin of Species jokes today? Blame it on the EA Store. Apparently, my Spore hasn't been shipped yet, even though they are in stock and are already released. Instead, we'll have to settle for playing Warcraft 3. Again and again. I'm really getting spectacularly good at losing to the Computer on Easy these days, much more so that four years ago when people still played it.


Never Be Stuck in the Rain Again

Disappointed with how long it takes to figure out what that big blotchy gray thing with blue dotted lines falling out of it means? You're in luck!

(Courtesy of maeembers. And what a courtesy!)


Sunday, September 07, 2008

There Is Always a Kyle-Ortonish Lining

No need to think that the Colts are going undefeated this year! Why? BECAUSE THE BEARS WHIPPED THEM TONIGHT, 29-13! Which means: Bears Nation gets another week to breathe and not wonder who our quarterback will be.


That OTHER Opening Day

With the end of the conventions comes the kickoff of the football season. Which means another Chicago sports season to be disappointed with the results of.

OH! WAIT! Forgot I shouldn't say that yet with the Cubs and Sox going strong. We might not have to be disappointed! Maybe! I hope!

But, anyway, go Bears! I'm watching from my frontroom, cup of coffee to the right and Bud Light to the left. In the meantime, enjoy the fact that former Packers QB Brett Favre won his first with the Jets barely and Patriots QB Tom Brady's calf moved in a way normally reserved for Silly Putty. Life is very fair, and I'm hoping that will extend to tonight's game, the one we at the Blog care about.


Friday, September 05, 2008

After All the Politics and Infighting...

...we finally have the right weapons to do it with.

(It is a geek-kinda day.)



That's it! Next year, I'm going.


Thursday, September 04, 2008

Cue the Top Gun Theme

Sen. Wide-Eyed McCain's acceptance speech is dramatically done, and I'm only a little tipsy. However, I did manage a rare party foul while attempting to look up a fact about Miss Alaska, and I have yet to finish that shot. Might be a bit much for one convention night.

Oh, the hell with it.

(Note: the drinking game was a drink for every mention of McCain's stint as a POW. A moment between each drink was taken by participants to decide whether one "difficult service to my country" or "the vaguely long road to freedom" counted. They got unanimous nods. Cheers!)


Correction: #96

John McCain's mother is 96 years young, rather than "years old." We apologize for the error.


His Name Is Sidney? Since When Was His Name Sidney?

I sat through all the nominating votes, including Rhode Island and Montana's self-important castings, just to bring you this honorable Aviary update: Republicans have so far been the funnier, more wise-cracking of the conventioneers. Unfortunately, it's all the same jokes. Maybe they need someone to help them in their joke-writing, make sure they don't do that again. Perhap a community organizer (of jokes).

Tonight is Sen. McCain's acceptance speech. I hope to find an updated Drinking Game in time. And believe me, I will.


Wednesday, September 03, 2008

RNC Update 2008: "Update" and "2008" Rhyme, So Let's Hope the Honeymoon Never Ends

Even though I swore off listening to Sen. Lieberman (whose voice could put an air raid siren to sleep), I still managed to hear him, all due to the reshuffling of the RNC schedule due to a hurricane that was due to hit New Orleans but instead went due west. Only a few Caribbean islands were crushed, so the GOP rejoiced, and Lieberman allowed them to get to bed early (in their seats).

The Medal of Honor recipients were "honored" last night. They were asked to stand and were promptly given a standing ovation, making the standing effort seem in vain. Veterans were on everyone's minds last night, and John McCain was counted among them thoroughly (while being very absent from the audience). I suspect Republicans are using McCain's war record as distraction now, while they attempt to whisk Gov. Palin's daughter Bristol away to a secret island where she can NOT look 17, unwedded, and suspiciously large on Election Day. Dick Cheney, for both children's sakes, will have left the undisclosed island by then.

Barring how long her daughter lasts on the island, tonight is the ultimate test for Palin. If news media can keep their eyes off the whole family's woman parts, maybe the governor'll have a fair chance to be dragged through the mud in a non-sexist manner.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008


Sen. John McCain's mother (yes, his mother, really) has been spotted at the Republican National Convention, celebrating her son's nomination victory!

After doing some research to verify, I'm guessing the irony is not lost on my readers that the article confirming she's alive is from "The Telegraph."

(I promise, that was the last "old" joke I do on McCain.)



What Are They On? Fourty-Fourth Edition? Lemme Check My Red-Blue Deck

Nice ones, but all I really wanted was a Black Lotus card though.

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In a Devastating Blow to the World of Film Promotions and Advertising

It really WILL never be the same this time. Rest in Peace(s), Don LaFontaine.


Monday, September 01, 2008

I REALLY Like Barbecue

Also, we'll be doing the Republican Convention this week at the Aviary. However, for reasons of barbecue and Joe Lieberman, we'll be skipping the first day.


No Snideness Today, Folks! Only Barbecue on This Keyboard!

Have an amazing First of September and Labor Day, readers!