Eaglie's Aviary

Friday, November 30, 2007

Mjolnir > Iron Man Suit

Also, the Buster Blade got jipped.

(Tipped off by johnhenryninja.)


Thursday, November 29, 2007

Eaglie's Strike Journal, Conveniently Coinciding with Thanksgiving Break

By the way, every paragraph break indicates a new entry and a later time. Also, I first wrote this in a spiral notebook while I was striking. Took me a few days to transcribe it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007
So I decided to support the WGA and go on strike. I hear the writers are really in need of money, almost as much as the producers, actors, and CEOs in Hollywood. They really want DVD sales and Internet ad profits to be included in their contracts. In fact, I'd like that stuff included in my contract, when I get one. The Aviary says the paperwork's still not done.

The day goes on and I'm nervous. I've never gone on strike before. And I get rashes when I'm nervous. Who gets those? I heard WGA guidelines say we're supposed to picket 20 hours a week. That doesn't leave much time for myself while striking. I'll manage though. Aren't there at least 48 anyway?

Thursday, November 22, 2007
I don't have to work! Thank God for the strike!

Today I won't be picketing. I have to travel north to Kenosha. To Andy's grandma's house I go.

Driving, driving, driving. Mostly trees and highway. Did you know how boring the Illinois-Wisconsin countryside is? Soy beans are more interesting than this. Where are those right now?

There are lots of kids here. They like to run around and jump on me. They also have an obsession with Shrek. One keeps staring and begging me for piggy back rides. It would be cute if I wasn't nervous and on strike. Being on strike means you're on strike from everything, right?

Turkey is good. There's also ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn casserole, gravy boats, and this weird stuff they tell me is made of cucumbers. But it's white. One thing you probably don't know about me is that I have a weakness for stuffing and gravy. That's why I'm stuffing the extra into my pants--ba-dum-CHING!

Ride home is more boring than ride up, especially because I can't see the soy beans.

Friday, November 23, 2007
I still can't find time to picket. But I think there are more than 20 hours left this week. Turkey-breast pancakes for breakfast. Side note: I said breast.

This strike thing still has me a little confused. Where are the writers picketing? And are their signs and slogans as good as I'd think they’d be? Go join them another day when I have time. I even have a sign idea: "WE MISS HAYDEN PANATIERRE HEROES!" See, clever? I crossed out the name of a hot girl and replaced it with the name of the show she's on. Because I really miss her and not the show. Get it?

Today keeps coming with the sexual innuendos.

Looking at all the food in the fridge, I think I'll have a few Tupperware containers of food for when I join the ranks of the picketers! I'm very excited and nervous!

Doctor tells me I've got strike rash, penicillin needed. Please donate.

Saturday, November 24, 2007
Leftovers for breakfast. I'm also picketing today. I'm gonna try downtown.

Turns out the picketers are all in New York and LA. None are in Chicago from what I see. I might have to videotape my picketing and put it on YouTube.

I'm gonna try email and IM picketing. Not doing YouTube video because that's silly. Email might use same Heroes slogan I told you about yesterday.

Turns out no one's picketing in New York and LA today. Weekends = no picketing. But I don't know when I'll get in 20 hours if I don't do it today and tomorrow!

Cute girl, green sweater. No me write now.

More leftovers. Not referring to cute girl, mind you.

I made the sign in MS Paint. Gonna send it around.

Sunday, November 25, 2007
More leftovers, this time pumpkin pie omelet before church.

Sermon was something about social justice and anti-abortion and gay marriage and love stuff. Came home, realized WGA still hasn't returned any of my calls. I also sent my fifth application today. I hope the mailmen get that thing out today! I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out!

By that, I meant my wait to join the WGA! I could strike like this for years!

Bears won! But all the writers aren't writing ballads to Devin Hester because they're on strike. I should myself then.

Hester... hester, hester, best 'er! There.

Monday, November 26, 2007
Hard to wake up. It's Monday. I made it to 6. 6 days. Yay! Still going strong!

Time to start over with my 20 hours. I'm gonna stand in Daley Plaza for that. Or maybe Town Hall. I don't know which. It's very cold though. Hope I'm bundled up enough.

I can't do this anymore! It's cold, and the rash is on my eyeballs now!

Reflections on My Strike
I feel terrible that I couldn’t hold out, but the fact is, I am flawed. I have needs. And I have a need to write. I just can’t shake it.

I also realized just now how ironic striking over blogging is when so many children are starving in Africa and that I could've held out for more.

Good night, blog-in-a-spiral-notebook.


I Always Wondered Why There Was Thunder

You know the thing I posted yesterday? Well, this is even better.

(Submitted by Maeple/Larke.)


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

It pays to know people in animation: they find the stuff for you.

I feel like I've seen this before. But I know I haven't.

There weren't any cats in Castle Wolfenstein, right? Guess it's time to load it up again.

(Submitted by Larke.)


Best Time of Year and the Reason Not to Strike

Dave. Gift Guide. You. Now.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Yes, Eag's Fully Back, Without Pay

I received an email today entitled, "Freeway Junk Typewriter Banana Eraser." Spam should always come with such titles, ESPECIALLY if they're for penis enhancement.

By the way, I kept a journal of my strike. More on this later.


We Knew He'd Break... And without the New DVD Sales Cut We Promised!

That's IT! I'm crossing the lines! No more misuse of my account! No more dishonest characters hiding in the shadows, hiding in the light, wearing horrible disguises!

Also, that is real, by the way. Trust a picture to say a thousand words and a military conflict to yield unending sources of black humor.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Eeriely Correct on Everything Except Greenspan... Also, We're Still in Reruns

By Andy, Circa Age 12:

Some Names New Mothers Should NOT Consider for their Babies

* Alan Greenspan
* Anakin
* Kick My Ass
* Collin
* Sarge
* Beetle
* Moe
* Larry
* Shemp (Curly is a damn good name, by the way)
* Curly Joe
* Sauron
* Saruman
* Gandalf
* Spock
* Any Number... believe One Hundred is not a good First/Middle Name combination
* Adolf H.
* Benito Mussolini
* Saddam Hussein
* Iraq
* North Korea
* Iran
* Anything with 'STAN' in it (Afganistan, Kursbekistan, Stanley, etc.)
* Unknown
* Untitled

Like my list? I hope you do because I just want you to know that it took me 20 (BEEP)ing minutes to write that!!!

Dawn of Day #5... Isn't He Getting Hungry?

See title.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Aviary Solidarity Strike Still on, Lazy Bastard

Management of the Aviary does not condone this strike, since it is not an argument over profit or anything else for that matter. We have also continued to use Eaglie's Blogger handle for posting matters. Since he is legally ours, this is not a problem.

Now, for more classic Thanksgiving reruns:

What I Did on My Thanksgiving Vacation
Andy, Age 6

I eated and eated and ate and drawed pickchurs and went to my gramma's fore more.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The Thanksgiving Special Is Cancelled. Thank the WGA!

What I'm Thankful For
By Andy, Age 7

I'm thankful for friends. I'm more thankful for friends with superpowers.

Writers' Strike Into Thanksgiving: Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

We're going into reruns as well!

We've finally decided to honor all our letters desperately begging the Writers' Guild of America to let us in.

We will be going immediately into the vault. Some older stuff, some much older stuff, and some stuff you probably weren't even born for.

So don't believe that ANY of this material the Aviary fatcats post in coming days are anything but reruns. All of it is simply digital scabbing!

And yes, the Aviary writers join the picket lines late. Boo hoo. We have families to feed, and it's Thanksgiving tomorrow!

We're roasting a turkey over the garbage can fire, if you wanna join.

Beowulf Review, Abridged

Sigh. I lack my original document, so instead I'll give you a quick rundown of my review (which was awesome).

  • Alex, a frequent Aviary contributor, reviewed it for me in text message: "lol, whuh."

  • Alex would later tell me how the movie would further serve to ignite the culture wars, except that any blowhard who's read the poem won't be seeing the movie.

  • I thought to myself, wow, I'm going to see it.

  • I thought the fight with Grendel was great. The fire thing? A bit much. The hearing thing? Cool, though would Beowulf really try to destroy Grendel's ears if his hearing is his only weakness?

  • Old English?! The monster spoke in Old English!

  • But none of the characters can pronounce Old English worth a damn. "SCOP" is not pronounced with a "k" as "SKOP." It's pronounced "SHOP." GET YOUR STUFF RIGHT, IDIOTS!

  • If those are my only complaints, it's a good experience so far.

  • Something bad is coming, and her name is Angelina Jolie.

  • Beowulf goes into Grendel's Mother's Lair, and all Hell breaks loose. My mind officially leaves the theater at this point.

  • The Dragon is really cool, but the information tying him into this movie make me want to follow my brain out the door.

  • The Dragon is really an Oscar statue?

  • WTF! GRENDEL'S MOM W... no, no spoilers here. Really. I'll give you the real review sometime... maybe.

  • The pop ballad in the credits... that's all I'm sayin'.


Holiday Cleanup in the Andy Household

We're doing a whole massive cleanup of my house for the holidays. And it's giving me an huge idea for the Aviary and Eaglie.

Throwing away many old and saved holiday cards, two identical Easter cards were discovered. Two identical $5 bills fell out. From my Grandma, ten years ago. Now, one might be my sister's, but she won't know that. And if she does, as she often does, my parents will foot the lost bill.

Also, I dug up plenty of old books, some beautiful, some bizarre, and some bizarre and personally perplexing. My dad has a red binder with the gilt-printed "Beer Can Collectors of America." Apparently, years ago, he was a prime member of the organization.

So the thousands of cans in the basement finally make sense.

EDIT by EAGLIE - That's utterly awesome. I look forward to you providing me with more ideas like that.

Maybe Another Day on the Beowulf Review

I've been traveling, and, boy, are my arms tired!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I Would Just Like to Take a Moment and Laugh at a Headline.

Then, you can laugh at me for criticizing the BBC's English. Bear in mind, the headline is, "BBC say Rhodesian ex-PM Ian Smith dies," meaning the BBC called it. They may, in fact, have even planned it.



I mean, I... SAW... BEOWULF! And a review will be up later tonight.

I'm Guessing This One's Making the Rounds All Over the Internet

Politicians notice Internet fads! Who knew?

I might even have to endorse him.


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Reach out and Grab It

I think humanity is at the top of its potential.

I Know the Allure

But alcoholism is definitely not as deadly.

(Sent by rdtj23.)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Andy Solely Dates 5's

Geek girls are always hot (well, almost always). If only this article included the pictures.


Friday, November 16, 2007

Don't Wanna Miss Something Like That

Found this from a while back.

God, I've been missing the Internet for what seems like FOREVER!

Internet's KINDA Working...

Okay, this family might have the best genes ever. Too bad it's fictional.

C'mon, you get what I mean.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Day... Whatever. I've Lost Track... Insanity Is Setting In

News is slow when you have no Internet.

Also, I tire of hearing "Paint It Black" from Guitar Hero III.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


The email box is full again, so it's time for another one of Eaglie's totally patented EMAILCALLS! We'll get right into it with a juicy letter from our first avid reader:

From: "Noelle A. Driver"
Wednesday - November 13, 2007
Subject: Let your dic'k become something she will never forget!

prosecutor is reported to have connections to a numberannounced 10,000 job cuts over the next four years.
School children and teachers taken hostage in

What the hell? Since when did "dic'k" become a contraction? And what's the contraction?

Don't answer that.

From: "Reinold Richards"
Wednesday - November 14, 2007
Subject: Gain a gargantuan penis Lindsay

wendebay . com

It's not so much the "gargantuan penis" thing that bothers me. It's the "Lindsay" after that.

From: "Tammy F. Swain"
Wednesday - November 13, 2007
Subject: Beat her womb with your new big rod, so that she knew who wears the pants!

was attacked by Taliban insurgents. The attack left twoIn an interview on ESPN Radio, Pete Rose admitted to
in the history of France. With him I lose my worst enemy

Do you believe in wonders? We think you're likely to give a negative answer .
We hadn't believed, either...until the moment we tried MegaDick!
The action of this remedy on a male dic'k cannot be called otherwise than a Miracle!
Only fancy, that your love stick suddenly becomes longer
and thicker and makes women tremble with desire!
It's fabulous!

So, don't miss it out, accomplish a miracle in your life with this unexampled preparation!

Five British embassy workers who were kidnapped inheld at Guantnamo Bay, Cuba.actually get into Sudan because they were not givennumber cannot formally be retired, no player since

Okay, I quit... this is too much.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

How about You Give an iPhone a Virus? Then We'll Talk about Newsworthiness

Headline: "Microsoft exec calls XP hack 'frightening'"

It really doesn't sound like anything I didn't know before. Windows users out there? Does this sounds newsworthy? Sounds more like what I'd call, "Tuesday."

On another note, I really like the one's faux name. And the other one, Andy, sounds like an asshole.

(Swiped from the Google News Feed.)


Day #3

Of not having the Internet in my house. I would've posted counting earlier, but MY HOUSE DIDN'T HAVE INTERNET.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Oxford Explosive Devices

You know what the greatest time waster ever invented is, besides Minesweeper?

The Oxford English Dictionary Online. Especially when your school pays for it.


Sick Day

I don't like being sick when my Internet is on the fritz. Or when there's an Improv party that you have to skip, else you give the flu to the person you drunkenly make out with.

But computer labs make it better.

I Post of the Awesome Power of Wikis #7

It steps on my toes again. But in a cool way.


Friday, November 09, 2007

A Little Bit Politically Elitist, I Might Say

Interesting reason for satirists to run.

(Submitted by Dubs. Look for the headline, "One Cheer for Stephen Colbert.")


What. The. Hell.

(Disturbed, yet again, by Cute Overload.)


I Post Again!

Look, I posted nothing yesterday. But can you blame me? I wrote at LEAST 300 words on Wednesday.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

EA Chicago's, OH NOES!

This kinda hits close to home.

Are video game developers suited for Chicago? Or should they be in sunnier places? But why? Since when did gamers and those who made video games need sun? Or a warm outside? They just need a radiator and some lightbulbs.

SO COME BACK, EA! Don't close!


The Fabulous Beetles

In the midst of a writers' strike, there is only one option. YouTube.

And look what I found! Something I haven't seen since I was... four, maybe... and totally unaware of it being a spoof!

And think about the other Beatles references! Lots of cartoons and movies of our childhood fit Beatles songs into their repertoire. Muppet Babies? The Wonder Years?

It's funny to think how the people who took control of this country, the ones after the Greatest Generation, were totally into The Beatles and couldn't resist slipping every reference they could under the pop culture skin. Hell, I first thought these songs were car commercial jingles, not the rock that defined a generation. I'll thank Michael Jackson for that.

And of course, the tradition has been passed on to us. Except now we're making Mario, Sonic, and Waldo references every chance we get instead.

And we're still making Beatles references. And making fun of Wings.

Thanks, Michael.


"Very" Good Site

Being an English major, I've totally found my newest favorite blog since that one that posts in Middle English.

(Found through Geek Sugar, who has a good post on the site of note.)



I got The Onion's new book, Our Dumb World, an atlas. I went to their presentation and signing.

But I liked what one of the editors said when asked about baseball and, subsequently, the Cubs and whether the Cubs would get Alex Rodriguez: "Why doesn't A-Rod buy THEM?"


Technorati's flash blog roll is hypnotizing. I'll have to add a technology section to my sidebar soon.


An Update from the World's Greatest Technology Blog

In one more piece of technology news, here's Dave.


The Trojan Mac?

Turns out there's a new Trojan out... for Macs! Utterly confused by this development, that a Mac can have weaknesses in its code, hipsters everywhere are throwing their Macs out of windows (ironic?) in scared frenzies.

Now here's The Onion with some normal people's opinions.


Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Political Strife on the North Side... Actually, Just in a Few Blocks Radius of Me

Political turmoil is stirring at Loyola University! Pop, dumped in the streets in protest! Boobs hanging out on cover pages! Political prisoners and thought criminals, beware!

Ha ha! No, I'm just kidding: no one really cares.

Andy and I know Diminuendo's editor-in-chief, Bre. She's an amazing person. She doesn't deserve any punishment. However, I've been getting all this info about "protecting first amendment rights" and "free speech" and such. The magazine is, of course, a martyr now. It sounds of little American kids saying, "It's a free country," just to cut in line to go to recess.

But not really. You might not like my tone. And some of you might say, "Yaddayaddayadda, 'freedom comes with responsibility?' Yaddayadda, you sound like Bush!"

Some people forget to read the First Amendment before jumping to conclusions about this being simply an issue of free speech. Wait, it still can just be an issue of free speech, it's just not just a one-sided issue for free speech! Sometimes those things can really bite you in the ass, you know, believing in freedom AND equality.

What about the school's rights? The school's NAME IS ON THE PAPER. THE SCHOOL'S MONEY PAYS FOR THE PAPER. What rights do the school and the Catholic Church have in our society? According to everyone, none.

It's odd to be on what a younger me would've called the wrong side. I would've quoted an old favorite from Wiley's Non Sequitur, "This is academia. We preach free speech, we don't practice it." And that would be very true. If Loyola wasn't a private university.

I know better now. The freedoms we live under are actually there for protection from the GOVERNMENT, not from individual entities we choose to pay for the services of, like, say, a school. ALL individual entities are protected by the Constitution. Anything they support they have the equal right to pull support from.

Federal Government is the only thing NOT PROTECTED BY THE BILL OF RIGHTS, thank JesusYHWHAllahVishnuBuddhaThorGoodman.

And it's not like I think the magazine was really dirty or anything (it was, but I'm a depraved individual entity. I like that kind of stuff). It's just that the argument that it's "free speech" is moot when the school foots the bill and therefore has the complete authority to not foot the bill.

Moving on, the "pop" argument is about how Loyola supports evil Coca-Cola by keeping a contract with them. This leads to the child labor of orphaned one-eyed spider monkeys in South America. Oh, and they also kill kids, too.

This is another matter, one I don't have an opinion on, and one that I believe will be solved by fire. May the best side's pyros win.


Monday, November 05, 2007

I'm Back from Improv'in'!

The Northwestern team Old Tom Jar won the championships over Indiana University's Awkward Silence. Great show. As soon as I can, I'll find video of the shows.

And I heard there was gonna be a writers' strike in Hollywood? Good, more writing jobs for me.

Friday, November 02, 2007


First thing that went through my head when I saw "November 2nd" was "GROUNDHOG DAY!" Then I realized it was the wrong month...

Really, I did.

Also, no posts today. I'm performing Improv in a tournament, CIF's College Comedy Championships! 16 teams, ten not from Chicago! My team is up against the U. of Chicago and Indiana University (eat it, Pacman) in the first round. Winning team gets a spot in CIF, a trophy, and possible things like scholarships! It'll be a blast!

And you might be able to catch a glimpse of me on CBS News later tonight (Friday, that is).

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Colbert-Colbert '08

Colbert is out of the running!

Unless he goes independent. But that's Dave Barry's gag. Really.



It's November! Time to gear up for turkey, more bad football by the Bears, Christmas shopping, and this year's Horsemen!

As always, there's so much stupidity to choose from.