Eaglie's Aviary

Friday, February 19, 2010

Rumor Is the German One's Biathletic!

Germany and the U.S. are in a tight medal count race up and to the left in Vancouver. They are also in a tight race involving hot ladies dressed in super-hot leotards. Sure, there's plenty to show off of the men's muscles for curling stones and shoving sleds (who are also dressed in leotards), but this is the women's time to shine. This is the biennial time attention is paid to women's sports. Make it worth our time, competitors! Some writers at Esquire have deadlines! (Metromix was also happy to show us the goods, but they threw a few men in. How quaint!)

The Germans are led by Magdalena Neuner. She picked up silver in Women's 7.5 km Sprint, whatever that means. And she picked up gold in Women's 10 km Pursuit, whatever that means. But the point is, she did it while being hot. So did a few other German girls the past eight days, and none of them have worn push-up dirndl to do it! You can't buy that kind of talent.

The American lineup of cheesecake is iced with ladies like Lindsey Vonn, Julia Mancuso, and Tanith Belbin. All are lovely and medal winners. Or are soon-to-be medal winners. They aren't Picabo Street, I know, but no one has a name that awesome anymore.

And the U.S. and Germany aren't the only countries capable of producing women! China has its young lineup of speedskaters, and Canada has a surprising number of lookers, even with all the poutine and maple syrup. So many lovely, hot ladies, all in leotards and tight snow gear! Well, almost all, which is why no one likes women's hockey.

But these fem-athletes are all supremely talented, of course. They should be valued for their strategies and competitiveness--their intelligence and sportspersonship above all else. Now let the cheering and cat-calling continue!

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Loved Side A, Hon, but Side B Lacked Energy--Better Luck Next Time!

While it's still Valentine's Day, I better make up for my cynicism today (sending around They Might Be Giants' "They'll Need a Crane" did not help). I give you, the reader, a mixtape by my friend and listener, Alex. Your mixtapes are excellent and romantic and bodacious, sir: may you never go deaf in your old age.

And look! There's a less depressing They Might Be Giants' song on there!

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Saturday, February 13, 2010

The 2010 Winter Olympics!

Did you watch the opening of Vancouver's Olympics last night? Probably not, unless you're Moldovan, since national pride moved them to send an athlete or two.

I did. And I enjoyed native son Donald Sutherland's voiceover, the other announcers' McKenzie Boy accents and giant light-up bear (photo from NPR). But why the bear? And why Vancouver?

The bear's an easy question: Vancouver is a place of ancestral and wild spirits. Hence the light show with whales and wolves and moose. Also, Coca-Cola is still in the winter season of its ad campaign cycle.

Vancouver itself is close to Seattle, Wash., but is actually too far north to be part of the U.S. As part of Canada, Vancouver is a very snowy, cold place, though there isn't any snow at the moment which is why Olympic officials are scrambling to build a weather machine. (My suggestion: ask Bill Gates.) The city is in the southwest corner of British Columbia, which is NOT Saskatchewan or even remotely close to any place Ellen Page is from.

Stay tuned for more comprehensive coverage like that!

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Sunday, February 07, 2010


Contrary to the blog post title, I am not rooting for someone this Super Bowl. Like all Super Bowls, I am remaining at an comedic-objective viewpoint. No emotional feelings. No intellectual feelings. Just football feelings.

I suppose as a comedian I should vote (we vote, right?) for the unsentimental but funnyman favorite, Peyton Manning. See the following video to understand such things:

But I left my heart and dignity in New Orleans a few years back. (I wish someone would return those.) So there's that.

I am torn. And I will just enjoy the Super Bowl for what it is. (An overblown spectacle of sickeningly fun proportions.)


Friday, February 05, 2010

Still Sledding, Fifteen Years Later

My friend Chris said he knew I was a genius for loving Calvin & Hobbes. Didn't everyone who grew up in the late Eighties and early Nineties love Calvin & Hobbes though? Are we ALL geniuses?

Hell no.

What Chris meant by that is he knew enough comedians, writers, and actors who also loved "Calvin & Hobbes." They loved it to pieces. But that still sounds like everyone I knew back in the day. You have pretty good odds of a resounding "yes" when you ask any gaggle of up-and-coming stars and artists whether they read "Calvin & Hobbes" as kids.

Fifteen years ago, I read the last comic Bill Watterson wrote and went "huh." I wanted the comic to end on a funny note. It didn't! It was a damned philosophy strip! Of course, I still liked it and teared up. And I still well up every time I read it in my collection. And I still have the original Tribune printing clipped out. And I muffle my sobbing with a goose-down pillow.

Last week, a Cleveland Plain Dealer interview with the reclusive writer/artist hit the Web and spread like wildfire. (Dead reclusive writer J.D. Salinger comparisons spread with it.)

Mr. Bill Watterson looks like the father and sounds a little like Calvin and Hobbes (less so the actual philosophers). He carries himself with a true elite attitude of an artiste, but I like that in a guy.

And we all read the interview. (Even the stupid ones.) We stopped doing whatever we were doing to read it. (I stopped showering.) Yes, we are still a generation stuck in nostalgia. Whether it is a boy and his tiger or a boy and his dragon, we will always remember.

A Jagged Gorgeous Winter - The Main Drag from Main Drag on Vimeo.

I think that video was a repost.

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