Eaglie's Aviary

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Black Friday Was Not THAT Cynical

They always talk about Black Friday, and I don't see why. Mostly I sat around and ate cornish hens. They're these little turkey-like creatures that even humans can eat like snacks. Delicious, and they leave the CUTEST little wishbones.

I began shopping, but mostly by avoiding the stampedes and lemming herds by hitting up the geek T-shirt sites. I have a very easy list to check off.

Anyway, keep having a great Happy Thanksgiving break (I say it again), readers! I'd keep writing, but it turns out these cornish hens contain at least as much tryptophan as turkeys. Probably a higher concentration in that little bodies, those bastards. And there was the schnapps...

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Friday, November 28, 2008

How's THIS for Web 2.0-ness?!

Look about five buttons down. Press it. CLUNK!

Now, what do you feel about a video game delving into politics like that? Mortal Kombat, full of liberals? It can't be! That's impossible!

But why so? You knew all the media were liberal anyway--even the interactive media.

(From Larke and Kotaku.com.)

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Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanks You!

Giving you all a happy Thanksgiving! It's not my favoritest holiday, but I enjoy seeing the turkeys suffer before my family and hangers-on gobble them up.

At least, that's how my family celebrates. Happy Thanksgiving!


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Where's the "SAGging Economy" Pun? Huh?

The Screen Actors' Guild is gearing up for a strike, making it the only non-corporate group remotely in a position to demand more money. George Clooney relishes Hollywood's image of being out of touch and ahead of its time, so we ask: can we move to Hollywood's time? Maybe we can all find jobs then.

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So, after Andy's Weep-Fest

Thanks for blowing your nose all over my wings, Andy. Why don't you get a girlfriend? Felicia can help, but remember: she's all Eags's, baby.

(From Kotaku.)

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Don't Worry--Secretaries Just Take Messages Anyway

If you are not a fan of Hillary "Miss Teen Gestapo" Clinton, don't worry: secretaries of state are not apt to set policies any more than vice presidents. And vice presidents are not apt to set policies any more than presidents. And so on, up the ladder.

If you are a fan of Hillary but not a fan of Bill "A Perfect NRA Rating Democrat--Holy Living Fuck" Richardson, don't worry: "Secretary of Commerce" is another way of saying, "Thank you for your application to be Secretary of State, but the position is currently full at this time. Try again in eight years after another unsuccessful presidential bid." Only with more redundancy.

If you love those two anyway, well... at least Alaska didn't (re)elect a felon?


Monday, November 24, 2008

Enjoy Your Time on Unemployment

Well, I am unjobbed, as those close to me and Eaglie have heard. Eaglie seems like an unrelenting bastard. But like any reasonable eagle, he believes in putting his wings over those he loves. I'd like to thank him for his support.

And I'd like to thank friends, family, and coworkers for their thoughts and totally awesome friendships through all these years and months. One of the best parts of working at a publishing company has been the insane and OCD nerds that I've worked with, who were all so lovable to get drunk with the Friday after being laid off.

I know well enough when I take a step back that I'll bounce back easily. There are people worse off than me. Heck, I still have Internet, don't I? And who knows? Maybe that first unemployment check can pay for my Christmas list...or the new electric bill in the mail today.

Both Eaglie and I apologize for the very slow last two weeks. He and I will get producing new works, adventures, and sassiness again, don't you worry.

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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

How Many Na Na Na's Can They Fit in There?!

The second-to-last Beatle, Paul McCartney, wants to release a 14-minute experimental track that the Fab Ones made while still together and alive. I feel this might just be McCartney looking to make a buck and cash in on the Beatles fad.

I kid: of course I will buy it, but will this finally be a Beatles purchase that will NOT pay off Michael Jackson legal debts?


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Light Posting--SOOO Addicted

Why is this so fun? Writers, bloggers, and humorists are not usually engineers!


Friday, November 14, 2008


206 votes is all that separates a comedian from the Senate seat in Minnesota, officially making the state a joke. What kind of joke, however, will depend on how Sen. Franken legislates. Will it be legislately HA-HA? Or Legislately HE-HE?

Yet let's not get ahead of ourselves (too late with the "HE HE" joke). Mr. Franken has LOST the seat as of right now. That's what those 206 votes mean. That's what "separates... from the Senate seat in Minnesota" means. 206 is a tiny number, when you think about it, but then you remember it is Minnesota. Even the entire population of Lake Wobegon couldn't rescue Franken, save a recount--which is exactly what's happening right now. A frozen Florida replay!

But thank the Lutheran God for Minnesota: without it, this election would have had such an anticlimatic, Deus Ex Machina ending, one so inspiring, orderly, and boring that none of us in the media (legitimate or not) would know what to do. Again, thank You for the humorous makeup of electoral laws. And don't forget to give us cynics back Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska).

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Poor Oliver Stone

So my vault of conspiracy tapes (all unreturned library copies of JFK) is worthless?


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Everyone KNOWS the Times Uses a Different Typeface

A lot of work and a lot of trees went into making this. Surprisingly, it's still less credible than The Onion's horoscopes.


A Blue Screen of Celebration

It's two days late due to me not paying attention to the wires, but congrats to Windows, Microsoft, and the Alt-Tab key combination (which wasn't invented for another decade, I believe! Remember: young or old, hip or not, we are all PCs.

Now, where's that iPod I ordered in the mail?

As a further note: we end this somberly, mourning the passing of Microsoft Windows Write (see the box label). The bright side of things is that Paint is still going strong, and hasn't aged or updated itself a day!

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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Goes without Saying Worse Code Names Came to MY Mind

I get it. "Renegade." "Renaissance." They're leading a revolution and rebirth in reality and regulation, really, America. Obamamania with an "R," baby!

But I would just like to ask: did Gerald Ford have his nickname when he was VP or just made President when he got the suspiciously appropriate name "Passkey"? Maybe the Watergate files should be reopened for new questions. Alongside his pardoned pal "Searchlight," Ford might not be so innocent, even if he wasn't a running mate at the time of the scandal, had absolutely no national recognition, and kept a pet rock.

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No Electoral Results ANYWHERE! Pure Nirvana!

I'm fully back from vacation, which was one day, plus another two days' vacation from my brain.

That totem is pretty dirty, even by my blog's standards.

P.S. Thanks, veterans. You're pretty rad people.

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Monday, November 10, 2008

Mortal Kombat Vs. JC

Why is this not as cool as I wanted it to be? Sadly, Christians are not trained in flying bicycle kicks. Give me a Buddhist warrior monk any day.


Friday, November 07, 2008

Getting Away from It All, Including My Sense of Humility

After ensuring Sen. Obama's presidential victory, I am heading off on a much needed two-night vacation. It's my first time leaving Chicago in weeks... in months, actually. Being "free as a bird" doesn't always refer to the actual state of things, let me tell ya.

But don't worry: I'll be on the job there, defeating the purpose of a vacation and writing up a storm. I'll also take pictures. You guys like pictures.


Thursday, November 06, 2008

Officially Ending VoteNest 2008, Officially Beginning VoteNest 2010


We, at the Aviary, officially call the election for Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill).


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Aren't There Electoral College Admission Quotas?


Now that the campaign is at a close and Barack Obama is our first black president, the question comes to mind: will white politicians be marginalized now?

As it stands, President-elect Obama has broken through the barrier. He may have to endure the insults, death threats, and actual rocks thrown with only the rock-solid support of his secret service and military, but his calm, forgiving manner will allow him through this. He is the right man to persevere and break through these prejudices, and he has shown the world he can.

But now that black people have made it to the White House, the question remains. Major parties might see how much stronger, faster, and better blacks can be at this game. Dems and Republicans might start nominating them to all sorts of federal levels. Soon white politicians could find themselves the minority: blocked, outmanuvered, and out-filibustered.

Can whites overcome what history has shown time and time again: that there are people out there who don't look exactly like us that can do jobs once ours better than some of us can?

Maybe we can.


VoteNest on Twitter Reprints

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

Grant Park was fun, along with the many other parties I went to! People sang anthems, cheered and booed loudly, very few bullets were used, and I almost stepped on a rabbit (no bullets required then)!

These are reprints* of my antics in the park, tweeted on Twitter. In case you do not want to be spoiled who won (Obama), Invisible Text is on! Highlight the blank spots if you don't care about being spoiled!

VoteNest is officially twitter-based. however, still looking for that first mobile tweet. lots are tweeting about grant park btw
about 20 hours ago from web

hi2u/eags on my mobile. Still rapidly transiting & out of the Loop, politics & locationwise.
about 16 hours ago from txt

They called Illinois! Without any numbers! Is that legal?
about 14 hours ago from txt

"No, Sidney Potier is the original Barack Obama!"
about 14 hours ago from txt

Watching CNN, McCain rally had a children's choir, and Nixon stole Bender's body.
about 14 hours ago from txt

Whoops, that was Futurama. Headed to Obamamania
about 14 hours ago from txt

throngs (n.) - Barack Obama supporters in Chicago
about 13 hours ago from txt

Congress to Roosevelt, still haven't found line's end. Did I mention throngs?
about 13 hours ago from txt

They're selling souvenirs, but I want something cheaper, maybe someone's ear.
about 13 hours ago from txt

Is that weed?
about 13 hours ago from txt

CNN called it for Barack! People might die here in celebration!
about 12 hours ago from txt

Jesse Jackson is crying, & McCain is conceding!
about 12 hours ago from txt

Sign language girl is clapping, and that just screws everything up.
about 11 hours ago from txt

Not to cry, but there's nowhere I'd rather be. With Oprah!
about 11 hours ago from txt

* - Due to the enormously crappy reception of my Tweets to Twitter, I am reprinting the messages in full from the saved phone messages rather than straight from the web.

Hope it was a good Election Day for you!


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Going Out for an Enormous Street Party

Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight?

From now on, all Live VoteNest VoteDates will be by Twitter. Eaglie and I are off to the festivities! Several parties and one major street party: we're not missing it. However, we did get sound advice from my mom: "Avoid death--and injury. Especially injury. That, your insurance won't cover right now."

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Votebook 2.1

As the twilight's last gleaming?

Everyone says, technology this, technology that. Networking this, networking that. The power of the people, the power of the Internet, you still don't tremble in its shadow, mighty Status Quo Defenders? Well, shiver before the combined strength of Facebook-status changes during the networking site's first full election cycle!

*** * ***** is excited for the impending victory over the forces of xenophobia, ignorance and hate.
***** *******: Victory over spiders?
*** * *****: Yes.

Apologies to two friends.


As the Human Youth of America,

It's really, REALLY hard not to get swept up in the rhetoric.


Voting Rain Delay--Get Your Refund

What so proudly we hailed?

George Mason University had a mass system message about voting being delayed until tomorrow. Later this was noted as a hoax, stirring up a flurry about "voter suppression tactics," the "politics of fear," and "racist," not taking into account that college students like to prank. A lot.

Also, the score is still 15-6, Obama by three popular-vote field goals.


VoteNest's First Vote Update, or VoteDate!

By the dawn's early light?

We're gonna have a party here in Chicago tonight, and they're talking 'bout it all the way to San Francisco!

In voting updates, there are no updates. And while you wait:


Voted Already

Oh, say can you see?

God, since when was there a line at the old Park District building? However, we survived it, and, thanks to certain friendly voting agencies, me and Andy have cast our ballots for America's future.

As with 2006, my precinct used a connect-the-dots approach. Gone are the days of punchcards ("I punched Ross Perot!"): we used a black felt-tip marker to connect one end of an arrow to a point, aimed at a candidate of our choice or judge we wished to retain, for some arcane reason.

The examples of how to use this pen were "Frank Sinatra" and "Ray Charles." I doubt this, but a few are saying Ray might be a spoiler in this election. Ol' Blue Eyes would get the tough-on-crime-and-terrorists" vote, and I suppose Frankie could put those votes in play and steal from Sen. McCain. It really depends on the "1950s persona" turnout with this.

I did mention those certain friendly voting agencies, right?


Open Season for VoteNest 2008!

Change and maverick will has gotten us to this point. Election Day. And it's midnight of.

Throughout the day, I will post a little here, a little there. Due to being out in the big city and at several parties, it will be few and far between. Most likely, my later posts will appear... we'll see.

But you realize my efforts need a logo! In the making of the Aviary's new VoteNest, I first thought about my soft spot for my conservative audience. They have been so downtrodden the last five years, being kind of in power. But I figured I'd give them this one:

But Communism was just a red herring.

Then I remembered that my conservative audience doesn't exist. I did, however, have a concept for the artwork. I went off on a tangent with that and kept my silouhetted picture of me.

Then I played the race card.

I figured this concept was pretty controversial, so I just drew a pretty flower where my eye should be.

Color me teal.

I deemed this blogworthy, as did the editors. And Andy even liked it. And so, now, Eaglie's Aviary Presents: VoteNest 2008!

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Monday, November 03, 2008

A Word on the '08 Election from Aviary Chief Copy Editor Andy

Eaglie's prepping himself for a VoteNest extravaganza with plenty of posts, if he's not too drunk to type tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to give you guys some encouragement: vote, no matter how bad the candidates are! I mean, personally, I'm thrilled about this election. Maybe you don't see it this way, but Sen. Obama and Sen. McCain are both capable men in so many ways. Either will drag our country back to greatness.*

If you can't call that wide-eyed optimism, I don't know what you can.

* - As long as Sen. McCain doesn't die and leave Gov. Palin in charge.

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A Candidate We Wish Would've Run

I Will Post Anything You Post, Natalie and Rashida

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die


Sunday, November 02, 2008

On a Remote Island off Costa Rica, Embryos of Democracy Are Stolen

You remember all that stuff about discipline in scientific gains? All that stuff about ethics and morality? The part about God making dinosaurs, killing dinosaurs, making Man, Man making dinosaurs, dinosaurs eating man? Remember all that stuff? Well, it forgot the part about Man making political candidates, and political candidates blowing up Man.

(Also, if you remember the whole conversation with Ellie Sattler, Woman takes over the Earth.)

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Somewhere, the Founding Fathers Are Laughing

Here. Play a game. Learn something.

(Link from avid reader, Pacman, who is out of the country for this campaign muddle. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is up to whether you like gigantic street parties in Chicago involving bonfires and overturned cars.)

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