Eaglie's Aviary

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Ducks Are Funny

Not Duck, World Traveler, still in HTML.


McCain Smash! Or Obama, the Dark Kni...

Somehow, I'm hoping these ones DON'T get made into summer blockbusters. Origin stories always suck.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

He's Already Got All the Bling

He's doing it for the chicks.

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Getting in Touch with My Feminine Side

I would call this girlie enough.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Newest List in the Universe

I found my new addition to the list of "All Knowledge of All-time" site: OneLook!

OneLook is a simple dictionary site with one catch: it's gonna look through every dictionary ever! Well, most dictionaries. And most of them are English. But, hey, I'm a glutton for language quirks. Bring on The Devil's Dictionary hits!

And you never heard of Eaglie's and my AKA list? Get on the ball! C'mon!

(Sent to the Aviary by John, a great old man.)


Homeland Security -- Loving It

This is a boring slideshow, except that it has a thrilling lead photo.


Monday, July 28, 2008

The Toughest Sushi Around

This seems like a lot of work just to remake a suit of chainmail (scale mail, I suppose).

(From Discovery News.)


"Too Funny to Be President"

According to this and apparently I shouldn't be writing this if I want to be president, senator, DA, or vice-senator someday. Neither should Al Franken be writing this blog (he might on occasion. I'm not leaving out the possibility).

(Post title comes from this book, which I'm reading now. I should start a book club, like a good entrepeneur.)


Friday, July 25, 2008


Yay! It's the best day in the world for me... if it was eight years ago still! But hey, whether it's the evilness of Alex Krycek, the foulness of Diana Fowley (still a great Scully foil), or the crappiness of Monica Reyes and John Doggett, I celebrate. So in that sein und zeit, the formerly greatest site on the Internet is reposted. Heck, it still is the greatest site, inspiration of all other doings I've every had on the Internet since I picked up that fateful issue of Newsweek that ballyhooed it.

If I never have to hear "Su-porh Sol-jerh" (only with a heavier Brooklyn accent) again, I will be a happy X-phile.


I Want to Believe...


...the universe's greatest mysteries can be solved.
...that the world is not as full of idiots and jerks as I think it is.
...in the Chicago Cubs.
...oh, Hell, discount the last two.
...compressed air really does help my laptop.
...in yellow sticky tabs.
...I will make a difference.
...I can live in space someday.
...I can live in a non-rent-controlled house someday, maybe even with Internet. In space.
...this coffee addiction will pass.
...paperbacks read just as well as hard copies.
...that my childhood's carnival-won goldfish did not die in vain.
...that X-Files, Seasons 8 and 9 are of the above's similar fate.

Fight the Future, dudes and dudettes! X-Files movie, ho!


Thursday, July 24, 2008

GET IT? A DINO-SORE!!! Oh, Damn, I Forgot to Tell the Joke

I checked this nerdified link Andy gave me a bit ago where there is notably a dinosaur on the chart called a Xinjiangovenator parvus, the Ah-nold of the Mesozoic. While checking the link out, I discovered another link about dinosaurs, this one about their doomsday. Instead of a meteor, a volcano might have shot thousands of tons of sulphur into the air, lasting centuries.

Now, not to sound too dismal, but, instead of the one in a million shot of a meteor hitting the Earth, a REGULARLY OCCURING NATURAL PHENOMENON CAUSED A MASS EXTINCTION? Something that could wake up again someday? As a spokesman against the Apocalypse, I am seriously leaning back toward meteors.

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Tastiest-with-Tartar-Sauce Pedicure Ever?

You humans are so wonderfully adept at capitalism. I could buy a month of Internet for that price, but I'm pretty certain it wouldn't be as tingly. PRETTY certain.

(From Cute Overload.)


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bale Bailed! With a Bale of Money!

I'm waiting for the puns to roll in.

(Newsweek did it already in a few teasers.)


A Few Corrections

Andy corrected a few things in yesterday's New Yorker piece for me with a few clarifications and predicates here and there, including a link to the Wikipedia article on the Dutch Muhammad cartoons. So reread it all!


Monday, July 21, 2008

New Yorker, Bringer of the American Dream

Why didn't they dress him up as Muhammad, too, with a bomb instead of a turban? Well, for one, they're the New Yorker, not the New Amsterdamer.

And you are free to boo that joke, but if you got it, you're just as bad. Heck, you might even listen to They Might Be Giants. And the news two years ago.

The "Obam-Imam" New Yorker issue releases today, and I can't think of a better birthday present for Andy. Now, the senator's campaign came out against these vicious rumors and then called the magazine the equivalent of a lie-spewing cesspool, which the McCain campaign agreed with, then Sen. Obama himself came and said he's "seen worse." Which begs the question of why the media has not gotten ahold of this "worse" material he's seen and plastered it on the airwaves.

Now, why are we in such a tizzy? What's so offensive? Well, my argument is not that this magazine cover continues the stereotypes. Nope: human beings, even American ones, should never be played down to. Any comedian knows that. An audience is just as smart as the comedian, the rulebook says. Act like it. The rumors will not swirl around more than usual, really.

No, the insult is not that it's offensive to me and you, the audience of the New Yorker (if you dare call us such): it's that they defend it as "funny." When has the New Yorker been funny? The humor's dry as a desert, some say, maybe if you looked for it, you'd find it! Well, I'm pretty certain I understand the "desert" metaphor simile for their humor, but more or less because it's like I'm crawling in search of that Humor Oasis on all fours, gasping for water, coughing up entire sand dunes after having eaten all the desert shrubs, my camels, my empty canteen, my backpack, and my canvas tent, hoping they'd give me SOME moisture.

Maybe that was a little much.

But there is a possible root to the problem: comedians aren't finding the funny about Obama, apparently. Or maybe it's the audience. Actually, it's probably those idealists in the crowd unable to cope with a shining beacon of light getting axed down. So comedians can't make fun of a well-read, beautiful speech-delivering, country-reunifying, gaunt, self-made man? Yeah, there's no precedent for this in history, most certainly. I mean, Lincoln's mole was all The Tonight Show was ever able to get the man on.

But the fact is, there will be humor about Obama. Better than the New Yorker's, easily. We'll blast him and rip him to shreds, even if he becomes president. Especially if he does. In fact, I'm hoping he does: I'm tired of telling John McCain jokes about "that one time he waved his hand." The audiences are getting brutal to me.

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A Regular Entrepeneur

I'm considering expanding the blog with a Twitter account! I have a YouTube account already (which is not connected to the blog yet, thankfully for you) and a MySpace (ditto), so why not a Twitter?

Friend of the blog Jordan called the idea terrifying. I call it possibly quite fruitful. Semantics.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

Sunday is Sunday is Twodaysafterbatmanday

Yeah, Dark Knight was still cool, even the third time. I might see it again in the morning.

By the way, due to a busy schedule of celebrating my friend Andy's birthday and seeing a few necessary movie(s), I doubt I'll get a few of the longer "Dark Knight" pieces written. Plus, they were kinda sucking anyway. Thank me for canceling them.


Saturday, July 19, 2008

Dr. Puppy Kicker

Joss Whedon knows how to... well, just watch the conclusion. Really.


Friday, July 18, 2008

Weak (sp?) Roundup #1

Due to my inactivity in writing, I have decided to round up the big news from the week. This will be a new segment, that will continue to have its name changed until I find something less tacky, stupid, and, well, weak and punny.
  • The Chicago Transit Authority managed to one-up itself on its treatment of the human breed of cattle. This week they tested train cars with the seats removed to make run to stuff more people in the El during rush hour. Somehow, I don't think there are enough German immigrants to be conductors and guards.

  • In malted beverage news, InBev, the Belgium brewer of Stella Artois, a beer known for looking too French for its own good, bought out the American classic company Anheuser-Busch. Next Superbowl, look for the commercials to go the absurdist cinema route.

    Me, Andy, and our roommates are keeping the old Budweiser bottles, since they're from a bygone age as of three days ago. The roommates are contemplating what our new cheap beer of choice will be. They chose Coors, which I hit them over the head for, since Coors sucks and is also still merged with Miller, making it stupid to switch if you're trying to buy American. My vote was Old Style, of course, since I pick Old Style anyway for my Cubs AND it's still purely American. Yes, that stuff smells terrible, even by beer standards, but for some reason, I still like it. It's not great, but in a chilled glass on a summer day, the cans dry up quick, just like with Bud or Miller. Coors can go to hell, though I've heard Colorado is worse.

  • The Dark Knight is dark, sadistic, sinister, cynical, fun, and exactly like me in those ways. Mind-bogglingly so. Me and Andy will probably be raving about it for the next few days. Actually, count on that, hint hint.

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Beyond Any Logical Sort of Description



Thursday, July 17, 2008

Live Long Enough to See Yourself Become the Villain

That can only mean that Dr. Horrible's Act II is up!

It's a good time to live long enough, I'd say.


Why So MSPainted?

It's almost the big day!


(Idea stolen from the Joker and friend of the blog maeember's Facebook picture.)


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dr. Horrible Link-Blogging Continues

There's more!


Dr. Horrible. You. Now.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I'm Speechless

Way to state the obvious, science!

(Off the feeds.)


Terror Alert Level Yellow Water Hyacinthe

While searching through the Oshkosh, Wis., website today researching the post below, I noticed a Homeland Security color alert of Yellow. I'm pretty sure that's an overstatement for a town called Oshkosh, Wis.


Brett Favre:John McCain::Aaron Rodgers:Barack Obama?

Ignore my silly question-title: John McCain doesn't need to step aside for new blood and retire already. However, 100 Packers fans, terrible people in all senses of the phrase, stayed outside Lambeau Field, signs all proclaiming, "Favre for President!" and "Four more years!"

Perhaps my title has more ironic worth than I expected.

You might just say this old Bears' fan fears the grim specter of Favre. I say, I'll fear him again when the rivers run green and gold in Chicago, which only half-happens and is only once a year. Trust that an eternally sworn enemy can say it better than a friend. A friend might hold up an encouraging sign. Expect the enemy to tell you how idiotic it is--so here it is:

Michael Jordan's comeback (the one that was to a completely new team) made his career into a punchline rather than a force. Magic Johnson's comeback was pretty inconsequential. As was Mario Lemieux's second time crawling into the skates. Not everyone's comeback is ending like Michael Jordan's not-fade-away-jumper for a double-threepeat.

Brett, honey, baby, evil genius (I'm trying flattery here): please, don't return. Especially not to a new team. You played as long as Dan Marino. You won a Super Bowl. You broke the records, even that interceptions one you coveted. You beat your rivals over and over.

Retire. Buy stock. Get a cushy diplomatic gig or mayoral job (I'm sure Oshkosh and probably a few other sillily named Wisconsin boondocks would have elections just to elect you). Go out with dignity.

Of course, I'd rather not see your 400th touchdown anytime soon either. Go out with dignity, yours and mine, please.

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

Selling It down the River and over the Sea

The mourning, anger, denial, and swift tap switches to Coors begin today, for an American "processed lager beer-like product" is now a Dutch processed lager beer-like product.


Plain Clothes Governorship

I saw Gov. Blagojevich jogging today down Irving Park Road. The temptation to hand him my restaurant receipt with a 10.5 percent tax was close to overwhelming, but I figured I'll get him next time, when he's not so ready to run away.


Friday, July 11, 2008

How Inspiringly Simple

Yet it basks in the warm glow from its self-post-post-modernism.

Get it? The extra post is because it's a POST on the Internet!

(I forgot to source this.)


Thursday, July 10, 2008

Solar Sails, Mars Rovers, Buy Now! Low, Low Prices! No One Cares About Them Anyway!

It's sad, sometimes, when they ignore these kinds of things in the mainstream media! Or that the Phoenix lander is hustling away on Mars, yet is relegated to page 14.

But anyway, my real comment: solar sails. What's the deal? Are we planning on building a Space Pirates of the Caribbean anytime soon? Will we have to scrape space barnacles off a few keels? Fire a space broadside or sing a space song about the H.M.S. Space Pinafore?

Anything works better when it's from space. Especially barnacles, 'cause space barnacles would be aliens and that would be all sorts of cool.


Look, Ma, No Torso!

I'm not much for advertising for corporations, but some just do require it. Check the links page.

(Again, RSS feeds are my new sources. I don't need friends anymore.)


Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Hu's a Great Straight Man

Bush is up to date on his classic comedy routines that everyone in the entire U.S. has already made a joke about over the past five years. Truly a lame duck, fried and served with Won Ton Soup.

Oh wait! It was that blog that made the lame, out-of-date joke. Not Mr. Bush. I apologize to him and his staff fully. And for mixing Hu up in this.

(From Oddly Enough.)

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Eaglie and Kevin Smith Will Have a Field Day

Three postcards. For the Elven kings, under the sky. And a fireplace to bring them all and, in the darkness, bind them (until some random contractor finds them).

(From Reuters.)


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

To Boldly Insult Where I've Never Insulted Before

Or maybe I have insulted there before, but this still brings to mind the differences between me and Andy.

(From Entertainment Weekly's blogroll. I forget which one.)


Monday, July 07, 2008

Not Ironically, the Date's Just after Tax Day

Some researchers really need to get a different kind of date.

(From Discovery.com's RSS feed.)


Sunday, July 06, 2008

One Wonderful News Media We Have

Man rips head from Hitler wax figure

Also, people really, REALLY don't like Hitler, so I've heard.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Play Dance and Sing

This song seems appropriately anti-British for this weekend, but actually, Oxford commas are more frequent in American usage. Though its other name is a serial comma, which is MUCH more American, especially if you think of it as a Kellog's comma.

Enjoy the song:

(The band Vampire Weekend is at http://www.myspace.com/vampireweekend.)


Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy Fourth of July

I have something ready for you guys, but due to quality control and laziness (both American as apple pie, mind you), it will be late.

Enjoy the fireworks while you still have your wick-lighting fingers!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Nerd Culture Wants Me to Believe

That maybe it'll be good. Maybe. I saw the trailer before Hulk though. Scully's hair is like 9th season, and that's never a good sign.

Oh, and this companion piece is right: everyone does end up on Stargate. There's hope for me yet to be an Egyptian-falcon-faced guard.


Wednesday, July 02, 2008

There Is Little to Be Said... Only Something to Be Sung

So give me something to sing abooooutttttt!

An embed, too!

Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

(Credit to Friend of the Blog (FOB) Kinna for the embed and Sturdy Regular (SR) rdtj23 for the other link.)


Most Unnecessarily Depressing Kicker of the Week

In an article about the capabilities of the Chinese military, it really is this kind of world.

The kicker:

The town had only a single electrical generator, and the troops had no power tools. At the Yingxiu Primary School, the soldiers dug with their hands. Some children could be heard singing under the rubble, the reporter said, presumably to keep their spirits up.

A day later, the singing stopped.


Tuesday, July 01, 2008

More Language Play Is Fun!

This time, in the form of an email (from one DIANE GOODMAN through ANDY'S MOM) I will simply copy & paste because I am that lazy. Yet I will remember to turn on italics:

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

7.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Innoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v.. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n.. a rapidly-receding hairline.

11. testicle, n.. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish


Decimate This Pun, Post-Haste

The military-industrial complex is da bomb, playing on our words like this.

(From Digg surfing.)