It's old, but it's still probably the best book review I've ever read.

Does a Harry Potter theme park really belong in "Islands of Adventure?" What's the island of adventure? England?!

...because we are scholars of the Video Game world.

(Submitted by Miramontron. Who else?)

You know, I was told by a girl I went "low" (*snicker) when I said I had read my share of fan fiction. But then I remembered that she went to Ohayocon 2007. I do not feel bad at all.

Too bad I'm too bored right now to bring myself to do something.

Also, did you want a dose of creepy?

I love animators without rules or taste.

Reporting and Writing professor: "Stuff's misspelled, even on the Internet."

This was not in jest, either.

He's got it right.

There is no truer voice in Scottish politics than Sean Connery.

(Sent by Dubs, my chief political consultant.)

Labels: Politics

Special Edition Thanks to George Lucas, for 30 Years of People Waving Their Hands at Automatic Sliding Supermarket Doors

With the intense political environment today in the US, plus the 30th anniversary of Star Wars' original release (which is now, technically, yesterday!), I got to thinking: we all know Yoda bears a striking resemblance to Ross Perot, so the Light Side is independent. But what about Palpatine, the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, the Emperor, the Great Dictator?

BUSH! BUSH! DARTH BUSH!

LIBERAL! LIBERAL! HILLARY CLINTON HAS A PENIS!

Enough of that. It's not clear-cut, believe me. Palpatine is tough to compare to any specific politician. It's even unfair to the Emperor. But we're going to try.

My first thoughts: Palpatine wanted to keep the galaxy from splitting in two, even if it meant war. He reminds me, in a sick, sadistic way, of that first great Republican, Abraham Lincoln. On the other hand, Palpatine also supported slavery, which would make him a Dixiecrat.

But, then again, they aren't the same parties anymore. So, forget the Civil War comparisons. How about those New York Times Democrats and those Fox News Republicans? Even George Lucas has mentioned Star Wars being very pertinent to the political environment of today, with its timeless themes and allegories. Well, I'm probably making that up. Still, it's probably better than anything George Lucas can say or write today.

Palpatine definitely would have supported abortion in the case of Padme Amidala v. Galactic Empire. Very Democratic. In fact, the abortion would have been mandatory.

We also know that Palpatine lived a double life: one as a senator/chancellor and one as a Dark Lord, out on his Sith ranch in Crawford, Coruscant.

Trade disputes leading to invasions and leading to military intervention by a coalition? Episode I might have sucked, but it does bear resemblance to the First Gulf War. So is the Emperor a Republican? Maybe. I only know one thing: the First Gulf War would have been much less necessary if Gungans were the natives of Kuwait.

And while you're asking, the Second Gulf War does not bear any resemblance to Episode II. Nope. None at all.

If you listen very closely to Palpatine's laugh, you can sometimes hear echoes of George W. Bush's. That's because Skywalker Sound, for the DVD Special Edition release, slightly modified the laugh and mixed in Bush's own in post-production to create this effect.

Palpatine always went for the fat chicks. Slick Willy.

The Galactic Senate happily went to war at first, but after it was dissolved, many members turned into the Rebel Alliance. Some became admirals, some became generals, and some became Speakers of the House and Majority Leaders. The Emperor himself is famous for dissolving the Senate and giving regional control to local governors, at least the ones presiding over Red States. He also blew up South Dakota.

Clone troopers?! Hell! What parties do you think we're dealing with?!

Palpatine made some massive changes to the military budget. He spent tons of taxpayer dollars on plenty of new military projects. He and his armies fought terrorist scum in backwater deserts... so you might think I'm making Bush out to be the most “Palpatinish” president, but I'm really not! Every president does this, so it's nothing new! They're all withered old bastards!

The Second Gulf War and Episode II still have nothing to do with each other. Especially not in how much they both sucked.

Labels: Longer Stuff, Politics

Here's something about Comic-Con costumes. I was so ready with my tinfoil costume this year though (to block alien and government mind control, of course)!

The Coors train crashed! Poor commercials!

(Yes, I stole this from Dave. Of course.)

Flowers are born with this naturally. Then again, so are most human beings, I suspect.

Also, if you have time, always check Wired's "Popular Today" articles (the right column). They're always awesome.

(Duly noted on the Google News feed.)

Andy's mired in summer school and (as always) messy feelings, so currently, I'm taking the time to laugh at him while still keeping him sane. Stay tuned.

As for me, I have NO IDEA what I'm doing this summer. Probably loading up a lot of Starcraft (in preparation for Starcraft 2!) and of course some World of Warcraft, I assume. Maybe I'll even do some blogging, if I remember to!

The Onion certainly "gets" Catholicism. Here's proof.

LOLCats can sing. And here are teh free download of LOLCat sings.

(Referred by ICanHasCheezburger.com.)

Brought to you by:

This sums up all my readers' women troubles in a nicely animated, short sitcom style.

(Again, Larke.)

Know what I was asked when I was sent this? "Do you like awful puns?"

(Sent by Larke.)

Labels: Language

This one disturbs me. Just like this one did.

(Both links from Larke and CGTalk.)

Best hedgehog evah.

(From the frontpage of YouTube.)

Labels: Critters

So I was officially wrong about what Blizzard's next game was going to be. I predicted they would still be saving that "Starcraft II" trump card for later. I predicted Diablo III (which would have been pretty early, admittedly... some people are STILL just beating the second one). I'm pretty glad I was wrong, too.

The gaming industry is going nuts, and the Blizzard website is running slow as hell as it declares itself, "Hell, It's About Time." People (like me) have been waiting TEN YEARS for today. And the game looks exactly like it should: a 3D version of the original, with lots more pretty lighting. A number of the units look changed in the screenshots, but hey, I'll deal. I'm glad they're going with "mass-scale warfare." I loved Warcraft III, but the RPG style suited the world. Starcraft is supposed to be a mass scale game, and if I can send more than 400 zerglings into a base this time around, I will be a happy Overmind.

Now comes the betting: Raynor's gotta be the one that kills Kerrigan, right? I believe it would only be right.

In other stirring gaming news, Halo 3 changed its release date from November to late September (yes, Bungie bumped it UP). From my gaming industry sources (cough, sister, cough), the companies OTHER than Bungie are scared. Companies set their games to release and give Halo 3 a VERy wide berth. Now, all that's gone to hell as Halo 3 is now set for September 25th. Anything releasing for the XBOX 360 in September is probably screwed, 'cause people are going to spend their extra money to get the Collector's Edition that comes with the Masterchief Helmet. Godspeed, Companies Other Than Bungie.

So, anyway, it's a good day for gaming.

Labels: Gaming

It IS about friggin' time.

Labels: Gaming

Ha ha! These people produce satire far beyond the abilities of my feeble typing!

I have to say, Studs is one of the most eloquent eccentric old men I've ever had the pleasure of watching. He updated a Cartesian saying for the people he's interviewed over the years (over 6,000, I looked it up): "I tape-record, therefore they are."

I dug up a year old interview with the man on the Daily Show. Jon Stewart praises him, while the audience pretty much just sees an old coot. Yet it's all the same to Studs.



Happy 95th, Studs.

Wow, Roeper's got my number! Of course, knowing how low I stooped and acknowledging it WHILE bashing Falwell makes me less inclined to feel bad! So due to my lack of feeling guilty, I'll link you a picture instead.

OH! I almost forgot! Studs Terkel, that great Chicago author/interviewer/entertainer/journalist/personality/liberal/geezer, turned 95 today! He is famous for interviewing people during the Depression and probably has 3000 interviews in the Historical Society's archives. He has written countless books, and I suspect the most famous would be Working. Studs was on the radio today with Rick Kogan, live from the Chicago History Museum, as they talked to his friends and family just before cutting the cake. As Chaz Ebert (Roger's wife) said, "You know you're old when they hold your birthday party at the history museum." Congrats, Studs!

There's Heroes!

Well, news is leaking out, as I'm sure you all know, that the Rev. Jerry Falwell has died (yes, officially he died... he is not just "in grave condition" or "collapsed" anymore). We still don't know whether it was the overpreaching, the cheeseburgers, or the hand of God itself (killing him accidentally while attempting to smite America for its sinfulness) that struck him down.

Wikipedia right now is going a mile-a-minute, updating what's happening. Info is sketchy at the moment on how the man died, but, hopefully by the end of the day, Falwell might be remembered as a 15-headed fictional dragon that Paul Bunyan killed with a hot iron and the Spear of Cu Chulainn.

Anyway, let's look back at a life worth remembering and making fun of:



Rev. Jerry Falwell was an important figure in the creation of televangelism and, therefore, the erosion of civilization as we know it. No, seriously, he has been part of the charge toward using New Media for very old endeavors. Falwell has also been one of the biggest figures of the Christian Coalition, the ultra-rightist organization that helped put the Republican majority in the US House of Representatives for 12 years and President George W. Bush in office for eight. So you can blame him.

Rev. Falwell was famously involved in one of the greatest battles for the ability of satirists to work. Falwell was made fun of pretty viciously by Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine. While Larry Flynt was actually quite a creepy old man, he still took up the side of free speech and satire in a very noble battle. Rev. Falwell lost on most charges, and Chief Justice Rehnquist set a line for satirists that is still mostly followed (though apparently not by me).

Rev. Falwell also famously accused PBS' Teletubbies star Tinky-Winky of being gay. Falwell never caught the fact that Tinky had come out of the closet three months beforehand. Tinky Winky currently is living with his husband somewhere in Massachusetts. It is assumed he will not be invited to the funeral.

Rev. Falwell was found "in grave condition" today. Satirists mourned the loss, but none are invited to the funeral. Instead, me and several others are planning a candlelight-and-pretzel vigil in front of someone's HD big screen.

So, Godspeed, Rev. Falwell. I know you'll have the last laugh while you're looking down on me when I'm in Hell for this post.

But I'll still think I'm right.

Labels: Longer Stuff, Tribute

Today is supposed to strike a blow at gas stations and oil companies everywhere by plummeting their profits. Personally, I'm not going to pump gas today. But silly me, that's really because I don't have a car.

I'm all for environmentalism. But why don't we do something more drastic? Like, a Don't Drive Your Friggin' Car Day... or Month... seriously, this will be futile gesture. I hate oil companies, too, but one day will do nothing to them with their current profits going through the roof.

But I guess it's better than nothing!

The URL sums it up.

(Sent by Danny.)

If you were waiting for a post today, why don't you just catch up and look at ALL the posts from the last two days. They were pretty bountiful.

Get me a Blackberry and I'll post for ya gusy like this EVERYWHERE.

I wish I had written this poem... or at least had legal permission to print this poem. But so is the way of the Internet.

"Upon Being Asked Why I Dedicated My First Book To My Mother When There's Not A Single Poem In There About Her"
By B.J. Ward, from Gravedigger's Birthday

As Prometheus must have pocketed fire,
slipping it from Olympus in the folds
of his compassion and duplicity,
so my mother stole a Webster's pocket dictionary.
The Mansfield Jamesway Department Store
was all discounts and lighting that refused
to flatter, commerce sliding through its aisles
as my mother slipped that book into her jacket,
getting 30,000 words fatter. I know the arguments--
that's stealing; what about the owner?;
what about teaching her son what's right?
In truth, the entire Jamesway corporation
would go out of business twenty-one years later,
and I'm sure it had to do
with the Webster's Riverside Pocket Dictionary
whose pages held all the words of Ulysses
and Paradise Lost and Look Homeward, Angel,
but jumbled in alphabetical order.
What can I say? She stole a dictionary for me
because there were no words
a judge could use that would be worse
than her son starving
for a lexicon he could grip like a wrench
and loosen all those dumb bolts in his brain.
receiving that dictionary taught me rectitude
and the many dictates that come down
from its cloistral mountaintop. I was suddenly rich,
a son from the most indigent family in Hampton.
How lucky--when I first started to rub against my language,
sidle up to my own tongue,
my mother stole me a book.
Years later, I gave her one back.

Labels: Tribute

Austin College's Theologian of the Month.

This time, it's still a "Star-something," but at least it's not "Wars."

Continuing with the last post's theme...

(Sent by Danny.)

And some of us take it a step further.

(Sent by Miramontron.)

The 17-year cicadas are prepping to come out. Yes, I keep a doomsday clock for them... right next to my Mayan Apocalypse doomsday clock and John Denver-rising-from-the-dead doomsday clock.

Not that I've really needed the clock. All the newspapers are writing about this, and I think I've seen at least two 10 o'clock news segments about it. It seems like this septendecennial event is going to be a big deal this time around--almost too big a deal. If they (the cicadas) are planning on doing anything more than make a lot of noise this time around, why aren't they (the media) informing us instead of just talking about cicadas in general? Have we been let down again by journalists everywhere?

Or maybe I was just three when this media circus last happened.

Labels: Critters

I'm soooooo ready for this.

I totally read everything Dave writes.

I'm not entirely sure what to think of this "fire" Crown was talking about. Sounds suspicious.

(From Danny in China. How he hears about whiskey in China, I don't know. I thought communists just drank vodka.)

How can I celebrate four years of the Aviary?

Should I post weird pictures? Should I do a YouTube video of dancing in celebration? Should I write something?

Nah. I'll wait for the five-year point.

As they say, another four years, another president, please.

Labels: Tribute

You know, somehow I don't feel too bad for a troll who gives out his address online.