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Wednesday, August 27, 2003
School's back in session, so maybe we should check out the fashions for this school year. This one was sent to me by experts in the industry.
 I've seen enough of that. With school back in session, there's a huge spike in the economy as every single thing that otherwise would never be bought is hoarded. Sales on school supplies go up, and prices hit us poor folk like a hammer! What is to be done about price gauging on school supplies? Who's out there to fight Big School Supplies (the unholy alliance of BIC, Penmate, Texas Instruments, Elmer's, and Wite-Out)? There's the government, which is laughable. They couldn't tell a monopoly from documentation of a purchase of plutonium in Africa. There's everyone else... which is never something to rely on. What if those other people have diseases, or are traitors, or are different from you?! Then where will you be? No! There's only the Skool Suplys Lobbyists! Only their work in Congress has kept all those pen and paper prices low (and, consequently, gas prices up)! Give support to those brave men and women fighting to keep you from paying an extra nickel on that ream of paper! -Paid for by the Skool Suplys Lobbyists ("There is nothing we like better than the sweet smell of cheap school paste.")
Sunday, August 24, 2003
The Summer of Love and Peace and Stepping on the US Constitution is over. Time to continue the drudgery of yelling at the Palestinian Authority and Israeli Security Forces to STOP FUCKING SHOOTING EACH OTHER while we, as Americans, are trying to SHOOT EVERYONE ELSE... I feel better now.
So, now to decide on the Aviary's MOVIE OF THE SUMMER! In contention, there were movies like Finding Nemo, Seabiscuit, Terminator 3, Matrix Reloaded, and, of course, Gigli. After the past year, I feel that we needed a bit of heartwarming humor, but also some good action. Let's see how this all turns out: Welcome, fans, to the Battle Royale of the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS! The battle has begun with Neo, Zion's Messiah and Symbolism embodied, taking an early lead by pummeling all those unknowns out there. But wait! There's a tiny clownfish, flopping up into the ring! It's Nemo, or one of those damn fish from that one movie! It's beating the crap out of Neo! They seem to know Neo's weakness is his vulnerable toes! Neo seems to be K.O.ed! It's seems all over already! But wait! Now there's a man... no, a MACHINE shooting the fish! Looks like someone'll be eating those endangered tropical fish for dinner tonight, with a hint of lemon squeezed on top of them! He has now gunned down several couples, probably from the innane romantic comedies this summer! The Terminator now seems to be shouting something! It sounds like, "I AM DE GUVURNATOR! FOUR YEARS FO' AH-NOLD!" He has just fired a rocket at Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez! They have now exploded in a cloud of red mist and gibs! The crowds going wild! OOHHHHH! Someone seems to have grabbed Arnold by the ankles! It's Gary Coleman! Aided by several jockeys around his height, the former star of Different Strokes has put the Terminator in an ankle lock! The jockeys, including one Toby MacGuire, have taken center ring, as one rides their horse over Mr. Swartzenegger over and over! Seabiscuit has won! I DO NOT BELIEVE IT! A sword is protruding out of Toby's chest! Now it's slicing through more jockeys! It's Captain Jack Sparrow, AKA Johnny Depp, of Pirates of the Caribbean! He has now killed all the jockeys, and slain Gary Coleman! He's now taking the center stage! And he threw his sword at Cyclops of the X-Men, killing the poor 180/20-sighted sap, to make it official! Captain Jack Sparrow is now winner of the Battle Royale and Governor of California! So, I liked Pirates of the Caribbean the most. It had action with a ton of humor, plus it was a pirate movie that didn't suck. Johnny Depp and Gregory Rush were masterful. The movie had a great score by Hans Zimmer, and there were British Royal Marines and a ZOMBIE PIRATE MONKEY! Plus, there was Keira Knightly... Ah well... 
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Monday, August 11, 2003
Sunday, August 10, 2003
I r teh back!
Haha! Seriously, I'm home from Kentucky, and I feel all closer to God and Jesus and the Pope and the Buddha and everything, but I'm ready to take a nap and go back to the nice, complacent (and agnostic) life of a parochial high school senior. Harlan is a happening place; it has one of each of the major restaurants, including a Hardee's. It also has approximately 3 gas stations per vehicle in the town. And there was about five dogs per vehicle. Suffice to say, I loved it, and Kentucky people are damn more intelligent than we make them out to be. Boone, our carpenter, put everyone to shame with his l33t skills. He was a humble, loving man with only 25 different firearms! C'mon! The US Army has more than that! In all seriousness, the people down there deserve more respect. I'm currently working on converting my travel journal to electronic form. I'll begin posting sections of it soon.
Friday, August 01, 2003
Being the sole Ignatian summer blogger (as far as I know) is a tough job. The world is hostile to us pasty-skinned non-jocks. We work hard, do good deeds, and come home to write about them. Many of us do not even have to come home since we're already there.
Eaglie's Farewell (for now): Well, I'll be away for a week. I am going to help America's poor, tired, huddled masses yearning to breathe free, and wretched refuse of our teeming shore. I am going... to Harlan, Kentucky, the tailbone of the spine of the East Coast. It's Appalachia, baby! In reaction to the information regarding my trip, one person said, I quote, "Kentucky?!" Actually, several people said that. Actually, everyone said that, and always in a manner that would be insulting if I were from Kentucky (of course, I'm not). I will be in a great conservative stronghold, hopefully hiding my liberalism enough to not get tarred-and-feathered. The ride down there will be fun. I get to go down there in a vehicle right behind an ordained Jesuit and a Texas Anglican ex-marine, a combination soon to be seen in the fall lineup on CBS. And the trip is eight hours, instead of a manageable 1/2 hour show! I'm also not supposed to fall asleep (I'm ducking out of the trip if they apply Chinese water torture to keep us from sleep). No technology allowed: I'm supposed to talk to people and watch the scenery. Thank God I'm amused by endless fields of wheat and grain. I'll even have time to brush up on some standup, though I can't make fun of hicks like normal. They'll be watching. While in Harlan, I'm supposed to build houses. Or well, I suppose the contractors and construction workers will build the houses. We get to stand around, get dehydrated and sunburnt, and get to try to put in insulation with the 3 contruction workers laughing at our attempts to cope with the asbestos. By the way, the weather report for Harlan is actually one of the most boring in the world. It's hot, sunny, not a cloud in the sky, and no one really gives a damn anymore. Once in a while, the heat may subside for a tornado. I get two-three minute showers down there, and probably I won't be able to use even that everyday. There's a water shortage down there, so there'll be an ungodly smell emanating from the bunks by the end of the week. I also have to learn to cook down there. Best I can do right now is Kraft E-Z-Mac. I pray to God they have Kraft E-Z-Mac down there. So, this will be goodbye for now. I hope to be back in a week. I am required to keep a journal, and so I will be keeping one throughout the trip (maybe I'll put a few entries on the Aviary). It should be the most interesting lump of tree flesh I'll be bringing back. I'm also required to pray and worship God on this trip. Though, by the end of it, you may find me worshipping a working showerhead. Labels: Longer Stuff |
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