Eaglie's Aviary

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

THIS'LL Remind You to Mail Those Bailouts/Taxes Today

Everyone likes to know where their money goes when they give it to charity, so I decided to find out at the Chicago Auto Show back in February. The auto show is GIGANTIC every year. I've had uncles tell me they got lost in there, with little to eat but their own shoes and Connie's Pizza.

But you'd expect it this year to be more subdued. After all, the car companies are hurting. They can't afford a spectacle. They, in fact, still need our help, and are probably shaving a bit off the top of the ticket prices to fund their legal teams for faulty, explosive hydrogen cells.

The Big Three came out in force. The Big Numbers One through Three showed up, as did a lot of Japanese, Germans, and KIAns. Everyone and everything was there.


The Chevy.


All that's left she needs is a paint job.

The Chevy Volt is supposed to save the troubled Big Number Two (Chevy). If all goes according to plan, the car will come down on a Zeus-thrown, Hephaestus-forged thunderbolt to spear those incredibly low stocks, raise expectations, and reintroduce humans to cooking fire. (We'll need it soon.)

With this, Chevy had a powerful case at this auto show that they were changing and fixing their internal problems. Transformers also made an appearance for Chevy, convincing me of this point.

Aside from military uses like that, when your tax dollars are at work, you want to know they are being used to make your life easier. (After all that math and imaginary numbers, what else?) The best part is, government loves to make things idiot-proof (as much for themselves as anyone). This year, they've outdone themselves with a new mandate, as there's no more throwing away the instruction manuals: they're printed right on the paint job!

This plug-in car plugs in... I think right here.

Lambourgine made an appeasement of an appearance in the middle of the floor. This company is beginning to truly show the world what can be done to fix the energy crisis and reduce our dependence on foreign oil. They've harnessed the abundant natural drool of men wandering by.

Don't lie that you didn't short your keyboard.

Hummer even managed to show its overcompensation of a grill, even in the face of environmentalist hatred. They even showed up with a lovely obstacle course. But the outraged people crowd, picketing Hummer's polluting policies, stopped anyone from getting in line for the obstacle course.

I ended my inspection the classic way: staring at greaser-mobiles and plucky Model-Ts.

By the way, back in MY day, cars didn't need bailouts--though they often needed a push.

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