Again, prejudice has reared its ugly head in America, our “land of the free.” For yet again, I have obtained another press release from the Aviary’s favorite wackos, the NAAHSA (National Association for the Advancement of Hell-Spawned Americans)… well, actually, it’s a political splinter group of theirs: the Transylvanian Americans for Badnarik. Enough from me, though:

Dear Citizens of America,

In the four years since President Bush took office, nothing has gotten better for my people. Transylvania Americans (for short, a “Trans-Am”) have faced oppression in this country since the days of Salem. Yet, in the 1960’s and 1970’s, great strides were made to incorporate us vampires, werewolves, and such into the American society. However, we were still hated and feared by mainstream peoples. There were only a few rock bands worshipping us by the 1980’s!

Movies like Van Helsing and TV shows like Buffy have not done us any good either. Movies perpetuate our evil image, as they cause more and more native-born Human Americans to grow up and hunt us professionally. In these four years, the number of monster hunters has risen twofold! As for Angel, who the fuck cares about a vampire with a soul? He’s just a minority, outside of our ranks, killing us just like the rest of you bastards!

Politically, we still only have a few people in office. They have not made any major leaps either. In place still are quotas limiting our immigration and limitations on our personal freedom. Vampires are only allowed two feedings per day under the current administration. Kerry wants to limit this even further!

As the most hated measure of Bush’s administration, the Patriot Act had several hidden clause no good senator could have voted for, including, but not limited to: random searches of houses (without warrant) for torture chambers, wearing of holy crosses by every American to deem that the person is in fact not a vampire, and random exorcisms. We are not TERRORISTS! We are Horrorists!

President Bush and John Kerry have turned their backs on us. They each have the blood of one of the greatest vampires of history, the great Vlad the Impaler, or Count Dracula as he has been repopularized as in your world. Yet, they each hate and fear the undead and monstrous Trans-Ams being imported into this country. They have failed my people. The Democratic and Republican parties mean nothing anymore.

I believe that the Libertarian party would accommodate the world better. There are not just law-abiding humans out there. Who gives you Nosferatu and Ann Coulter? It is our ranks. The conservatives, liberals, and such? We’re part of those groups, too. But this year, only one candidate has proven himself to be in support of freedom and complete privacy for all, and thus, no more blood-drinking and corpse-eviscerating behind closed doors for us: Michael Badnarik of the Libertarian Party!

Michael Badnarik has a plan. It’s to let all chaos loose on the world. We all get the freedom and chaos we deserve! To hell with government! We get to hunt whoever and whatever we want, and no more defending ourselves in court after killing a Slayer in self-defense! Let's all go out to those polls and support this true American freedom we all talk about! Vote Badnarik!

Mal-Eagae, Spokesvampire
Transylavian Americans for Badnarik

Michael Badnarik and the Libertarian Party Inner Council approved this message.

Labels: Longer Stuff, Politics

You heard the squirrels! Get out the vote, and be green about it (but not Green... that cost us the last election... though that is debatable).

MonsterSlash.org

I guess, in the words of some angry readers of the Chicago Tribune... "FUCK YOU!"

I hereby endorse Kerry for President. As the elven ranger in me dictates, there is no way I can support Bush for office. Kerry has a good record environmentally, and I don't think he can do worse where Bush has failed miserably (a lot of places, I might say). No one can argue this point, that Bush is truly a miserable failure if you would like to see a river or forest or even a bird once in a while in the future.

As for any doubts on it all, to you who give a damn about forests existing in the next 20 years:

John Kerry's Environmental Voting Record from Progressive Punch

In the words of Zay Smith from the Sun-Times... sometimes life is fair:

Two Arrested for Hurling Pies at Columnist

Fri Oct 22, 6:04 AM ET U.S. National - AP

TUCSON, Ariz. - Two men ran onstage and threw custard pies at conservative columnist Ann Coulter as she was giving a speech at the University of Arizona, hitting her in the shoulder, police said.

University police arrested the men but did not release their identities.

In her half-hour speech Thursday night, Coulter trashed Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry (news - web sites) and derided liberals and Democrats while saluting conservative students who attended her speech.

Coulter writes a column for Universal Press Syndicate. Her appearance was sponsored by the UA College Republicans.

Cicero isn't bad for you. In fact, it's quite the potent medicine.

I will keep this short.

Rodney Dangerfield has left us. He's left this Earth. And I am hit very seriously hard by this news.

Rodney Dangerfield's hilarity warmed my heart, and was one of few lingering reasons to watch guests on Leno's Tonight Show. I remember paying attention to who the guests were... and I would watch for Rodney specifically. One of the greatest meeting of the minds was when Rodney appeared onstage when Jim Carrey was already out. Insanity ensued.

Rodney deserves the respect of everyone, even if they don't respect his brand of comedy... I'm specifically referring to the computer community:

"I went out and bought an Apple Computer; it had a worm in it."

We love you, Rodney. We thank you for not choosing Windows.

So God rest your soul. I bet He respects you.

And with respect to comedy and politics right now...

[John Edwards mentions that he stayed in the King David Hotel, at the time a Sbarro's Pizza nearby it was attacked in Israel]
Person 1: There's a Sbarro's in Israel?
Person 2: Well, not anymore.

They Might Be Onto Something