Eaglie's Aviary

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

WOOOO for Nominal Power Transitions!

We can declare victory now! Mission accomplished in Iraq!

Yes, yesterday brought this news, meager against the deaths of Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, David Carradine, Billy Mays, a few thousand hungry children across the globe, and possibly Jeff Goldblum. However, Iraq is finally becoming independent... somewhat. The American pullout leaves towns, cities, and metropolitan areas to rule themselves. Our doughboys will keep the peace in the deserts and rural lands, but the cities are now Iraq's to protect.

My one qualm with this situation: do you know what yesterday was called in Iraq? National Sovereignty Day! Lame. At least our day has oomph: the Fourth of July! Independence Day! If you want to join the big nations, you need to celebrate like us. Maybe not the 29th of June, since the jokes would be lame:

Q: Does England have a 29th of June?
A: Yes. So does America. So does everyone else.

I guess that joke was never funny. But, National Sovereignty Day? I bet that doesn't even sound cool in even one of your country's languages. C'mon, Iraq: you could at least call the day the tried and true Independence Day. Or, better, Iraqi Freedom Day. Or, my personal preference, End of Operation Iraqi Freedom Day.

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, two of our founding fathers and our second and third presidents, died 50 years later, on exactly the Fourth of July. You can't get more poetic oomph than that. Can I suggest you kill off a few of your own founding fathers? I know you can't kill them, it wouldn't be the same. But give them the suggestion that maybe they should die of old age on June 29th... in fifty years, at max? (Note: I am kidding. I am a peaceful blogger, not threatening ANYONE. Please don't jail me.)

Iraq, there is plenty for you guys to do to spruce up your National Sovereignty Day. Getting chopping and rename it. Get your founding fathers to cooperate. However, one last tip: celebration with fireworks? Don't copy us.