Eaglie's Aviary

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

We Rate First 100 Days, Good Price! Very Good!

Pres. Obama survived 100 days in office. I can't honestly tell you how.

The recession is bad. Stocks are holding steady right now, but one big fall and there will be a run on potato sacks.

Everyone is in a budget crisis, and I mean everyone. Even the potato farmers, who had to spring for burlap rather than silk sacks this year.

We handed plenty of CEOs blank checks with bailouts. Needless to say, they took a lot of money for themselves. Many of these CEOs returned their bonuses when Pres. Obama checked the receipts. The rest of the executives now have the honor of being the final detainees of Guantanamo Bay.

Grade on Economic Policy: $4.53

On to foreign policy: the US is still in Iraq, Afghanistan is kind of a lost cause, and Pakistan is apparently being taken over by the Taliban, province by province. The third one came out of left field, I know. But thank God we still have our 2nd Amendment: once extremists get nukes, I'll have my brand-new, almost-registered 12-gauge shotgun to fend them off with.

American right-wing extremists are apparently a danger now. As if I wasn't worried enough about Pakistani and other extremists.

Piracy went from being a museum exhibit, to a novelty that appeared on the BBC every month or so, to a full-blown media frenzy that got Wolf Blitzer to call Anderson Cooper "matey" at least once. It was awkward for both of them.

Grade on Foreign Policy: 1 HEAAAAAARTY round of applause

And now pigs are spreading flu, all over the world, creating a pandemic killing a few concentrated areas of people. And that's the least of our worries. (Note: Andy's working up a report on swine flu... stay tuned for that).

Grade on Health Care: Crispy.

So, adding those totals up, my midterm grade for President Barack Obama is a B. Above average. The president has done well in many places. He's also backtracked better than Hansel and Gretel ever could have left breadcrumbs for. And while the crises are not his own fault: how could things possibly look up?

All I can think is, at least I can still eat pork, properly cooked.