Eaglie's Aviary

Friday, August 08, 2008

Ni Hao from Us!

Cabbage-Patch mascots roam the land freely, which means we're about to kick off Aviary Olympic coverage, which means I'm going to type a lot of snide remarks about the other snide remarks others are typing about the hard reporting coming out of Red China. What can I say? I'm a perennial tertiary source.

Notice the "Red China." Why so embarrassed, China? Ha ha! Horrible pun, but I'm sure Karl Marx saw it coming a mile away.

Jeez, I just can't get STARTED with this article. But we can get started with Team USA! And its Chicago connections! Like how we're all going to worship the lovely Naperville basketball goddess Candace Parker and then blog about her performance online if, you know, Red China allows us to actually blog ANYTHING. The Western media gets such a bum wrap for its hyper and hyper-gluttonous ways.

No! Olympics! No politics! I really am doing bad with this. No attention span today--

--Did you know today, Opening Ceremonies Day, is 08/08/08? Those are nine "rings" in that date! Not the five rings, like the Olympics! Where'd the extra--

--I'm like a fly to a flame and then to a bigger flame two feet away and a bigger one three more away and a fluorescent bulb just up and to the left--

--rings come from? They couldn't have added new ones. This being Red China's year and all, why would they rock the boat?--

--a fire-and-lightbulb-seeking fly, that's what I am today. I hope you and the rest of the world isn't like this when NBC reruns the Opening Ceremonies in a few hours--

--as for sports a little closer to home and FAR more interesting. Take a look. You won't argue--

--which might even give you a little culture.