Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Heads of colleges across America are trying to lower the drinking age to 18, suddenly giving high school seniors more reasons to proudly be arrested on their birthdays.
I must speak to you college heads directly, gently, but firmly: you tweed suits do know how much fun you'll be sucking out of the college experience when you can't sneak a keg in and get your RA drunk and pantless in front of the security camera in the lobby, right? Now, to take away that mystique is the idea of this. Make us European. Yeah, that's swell: why don't we just add Beer Purity Laws while we're at it? Nazis.
That was the firmness. Now the gentleness: plllleeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssse, Mr. Professors, don't give all those students more access to alcohol! Or, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaase, Dr. Awesomes, don't give them something I had to wait in agony for!
Though I suppose they'll all stop asking me to buy for them.