Eaglie's Aviary

Monday, March 17, 2008

News in Brief: Longtime Saint Upset

St. Patrick Confused by Movement of Feast Day

DUBLIN - The patron saint of Ireland and snake-whacking St. Patrick expressed dismay over the movement of his feast day in a statement released today.

While acknowledging "the terrible debauchery and property destruction" St. Patrick's Day causes every year, the former bishop had harsh words for the Catholic Church.

"Moving my [expletive] day? My day?" Patrick said. "How do you get off on moving a [expletive] saint's day, [Pope Benedict XVI]? When did you get all high and [expletive] mighty?"

Due to an early Holy Week for Catholics, the earliest for the next 200 years, the Church moved the Feast of St. Patrick to March 15th instead of its usual date, March 17th.

"The Church might be [expletive] infallible once in a [expletive] while," Patrick said. "But my [expletive] feast is not [expletive] Easter or, God knows, Pentecost! It's a spe-[expletive]-ific day! Why not move [expletive] Easter anyway?"

The Vatican has not responded.