Eaglie's Aviary

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Big Fat Super Tuesday

After a month of waiting, watching states light up and my fellow journalists have all the fun, I finally have my chance to report, even though no one is paying me to. The lucky thing about this stuff is that I don't have to apply journalistic standards when no one pays me to, so that's a perk.

Today really decides the election. Whoever wins the most delegates today will almost certainly win their party’s nomination, unless it's close, which will lead to a run-off where the person with the most money wins (I love American plutocracy).

How are the contests shaping up? On the Democratic side, my home state is a foregone conclusion: we're voting Lincoln.*

The Republicans have more of a fight on their hands here. Sen. John McCain and Mitt Romney are battling each other with the crazies Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul trailing. The early results of New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Florida have given McCain forward momentum, something the man did not have before. Really: his arms didn't move that way.

You can tell he'll be a good president when that's the best I can come up with against him. But that doesn't mean I won't.

And you probably are wondering who I'm picking to win. I'm a very unscientific man and horrible journalist, but I do know how to pick winners. I'm like a Bears coach in the NFL draft, but not like one (I smell better).

Official picks for Illinois: Abraham Lincoln and John McCain
Official picks for the nomination: Barack Obama and John McCain
Official pick to win the election: John McCain

Bear in mind, these are not endorsements. I have not yet endorsed anyone, especially not anyone with a 5-point spread against them.

I will be giving updates later, don't you worry, and they might just be accurate.

* - Yes, I know he was a Republican, but it is my belief that the GOP has officially given that honor over to the Democrats by repeatedly electing Strom Thurmond after he became too racist for old-school Dixiecrats.

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