Eaglie's Aviary

Eaglie's Aviary

Americans are Americans, no matter what genre you put them in.

Aviary RSS
Feed Me!

Aviary Team
Eaglie
Andy

Blogrolololol
Joboja
Dubs-ican
Other Wasted Efforts
Emo Snal
Cornered Pacman
Shadow Talker
What's Going On?
Hiccup in Paradise
Ramblings [MIA]

Archives
05/2003 - 06/2003 - 07/2003 - 08/2003 - 09/2003 - 10/2003 - 11/2003 - 12/2003 - 01/2004 - 02/2004 - 03/2004 - 04/2004 - 05/2004 - 06/2004 - 07/2004 - 08/2004 - 09/2004 - 10/2004 - 11/2004 - 12/2004 - 03/2005 - 04/2005 - 05/2005 - 06/2005 - 07/2005 - 08/2005 - 09/2005 - 10/2005 - 11/2005 - 12/2005 - 01/2006 - 02/2006 - 03/2006 - 04/2006 - 05/2006 - 06/2006 - 07/2006 - 08/2006 - 09/2006 - 10/2006 - 11/2006 - 12/2006 - 01/2007 - 02/2007 - 03/2007 - 04/2007 - 05/2007 - 06/2007 - 07/2007 - 08/2007 - 09/2007 - 10/2007 - 11/2007 - 12/2007 - 01/2008 - 02/2008 - 03/2008 - 04/2008 - 05/2008 - 06/2008 - 07/2008 - 08/2008 - 09/2008 - 10/2008 - 11/2008 - 12/2008 - 01/2009 - 02/2009 - 03/2009 - 04/2009 - 05/2009 - 06/2009 - 07/2009 - 08/2009 - 09/2009 - 10/2009 - 11/2009 - 12/2009 - 01/2010 - 02/2010 - 03/2010 - 04/2010 - 05/2010 - 06/2010 - 07/2010 - 08/2010 - 09/2010 - 10/2010 - 11/2010 - 12/2010 - 01/2011 - 05/2011 - 07/2011 - 09/2011 - 12/2011 - 11/2012 -

Spam isn't a vegetable.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Your Very Own Ron Paul
posted by Eaglie at 11:50 AM

Normally Halloween is reserved for the scary politicians. Once in a while, there are less than scary ones, possibly cute ones. They are the babies in lion manes and ladybug red-and-black, and they’re just as much a part of this holiday. And don't fret: there'll be time to skewer Countess von Clinton later.

In the great tradition of Ross Perot, Ralph Nader, and Yoda, a small, elfin creature has swept through the ranks and made an impression as a third-party candidate. However, this time the creature is not a third-party candidate, as much as he looks, sounds, and smells like one!

Ron Paul is a political animal stirring up the media and Internet. Why else would I pay attention to him if it weren't for the Internet telling me to? A small, furry congressman from Texas, he is running for the GOP nomination for president on a platform of libertarian ideals.

There are problems. For example, last time Ross Perot tried to get elected, he failed miserably. Last time(s) for Nader, he got Bush elected. And the last time Yoda got into politics, Episodes I, II, and III happened. What can avert disaster like this?

Take care of your Ron Paul! That’s how! Here's a little checklist that we drummed up by talking to a local oriental artifacts and magic dealer.

He takes care of himself for the most part. Leave him alone.

Of course, even a libertarian furball needs a few things that are good for him. Continue reading.

Don't get him wet! Small businesses AND mega-corporations will spring out of him! They'll do so in large number, and there will be no way to control their population.

Use discipline like a water bottle, but don't use this too harshly. He'll use a natural defense, the veto. In fact, he'll probably use it on everything you do anyway.

Libertarians are not gregarious creatures. Don't get a second Ron Paul to keep him company.

The Internet has lots of information on Ron Pauls.

The Internet loves Ron Pauls.

It really loves Ron Pauls.

Don't let the Internet steal your Ron Pauls.

He hides his gold in odd places to make sure the rest of Congress doesn't steal it. So if you find a bulge under your pillow, it's just another stash.

Speaking of stashes, keep one on hand, if you know what I mean.

Feed your Ron Paul plenty of rare steak. Even cute little creatures like extra bloody meals when they’re from Texas.

But don't feed him after midnight.

Do not confuse your Ron Paul with your Dennis Kucinich. Oh GOD, don’t confuse the two. One can't grant wishes.

Take good enough care of your Ron Paul, and he will even sing for you!

I really wish I had an example for that last one.

Good luck with your Ron Paul!

Labels: Longer Stuff, Politics

Comments: