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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
This is Halloween, the day for ghosts, goblins, and Nixon masks. Whether or not people wonder years from now why we wore those ghostly sheets and politician masks, as well as why the heck we found Richard Nixon's nose so fascinating to make into part of a mask, this will still be remembered as All Hallows Eve, the most spiritual day of the year for our people, and thus the most obvious time to start thinking about elections and politics. Normally, the National Association for the Advancement of Hell-Spawned Americans and the Transylvanian-American Alliance send out mass messages at this time, being their major holiday (for some reason, those only ever reach me). This year though, I hear their members are embroiled due to two of their mainstream members being involved a very bitter and public fight for a certain Illinois governorship. I figured, since there is no message this year from the NAAHSA or TAA, I would try to help my fellow Illinoisans (and people out of state) with this all-important race… Illinois: An Orange-or-Black State?  You hate the Red/Blue-Orange/Black pun, don't you? Gov. Rod Blagojevich was the first Transylvanian-American to win such a high office as a Democrat, though he was criticized for disguising this fact. He took control of the Illinois governorship four years ago, promising to clean up the corruption former Gov. Ryan left with his administration. When it was revealed Blagojevich was a minor spawn of Satan almost a year into his term, some Illinoisans were horrified. Most Chicagoans just sighed and figured it would be business as usual. Blagojevich has worked somewhat tentatively with the current mayor of Chicago, Richard Mecha Daley. I had the pleasure of meeting Gov. Blagojevich by running into him in Chicago's Cultural Center. Besides his blood-red eyes, flaring nostrils, and extremely short stature, I didn’t find too much distinctive about him. The liberal, puppy-eating wing of the NAAHSA supports Blagojevich. The entire TAA also seems to have fallen into his camp, due to him actually having moved to America from Transylvania (look at that Eastern European name). Ethnic identity politics at work.  Looking like this, how could the voters of Illinois not know he was a Transylvanian vampire? That's simple: his hair makes him look like a complete ninny. Judy Baar Topinka is the current Treasurer of Illinois, and would be the first woman of any species/genus to become an Illinois governor. She's become Blagojevich's bitter rival in all matters of government, and most sessions between them devolve into mud-slinging and flesh-eating. The more conservative, virgin-sacrificing elements of the NAAHSA support her, though there are many moderate blood suckers from both the Democrats and Republicans supporting Topinka. And she is a zombie, really. Just look at her.  There was no editing to either photo of the politicians, but especially not Topinka's. Labels: Longer Stuff, Politics |
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