Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Germany V. Poland: The Soccer Match to End All Soccer Matches
Many of you have noted that something called the World Cup is being played in Europe right now. At first, I figured it was a lame version of the World Series, but, as true as that is, it turns out it's a soccer thing. Soccer (or Quidditch, as it's known throughout the rest of the world... wrongly, I might add) is a game with a goal to kick a ball through two posts, hopefully forcing some woman to strip down to a sports bra and run around... slowly.
One of the most talked about matches is tomorrow, a rematch between plucky Poland and the hometown favorite, Germany. Andy, being of a heavily German background, is watching this intently. Me and him have a friendly wager going. Personally, I think Poland is just hungry enough to do it, after losing their first match. Poland is due, and, personally, they might just have enough pluck to kick it through the posts before the German fans pelt them to death with novelty foam hands. But maybe I'm just a betting man.
Let's have a look at the previous match between these two powers, shall we?
One Acre of Polish land, $12. Five Polish mail order brides, $39. One Polish mathematician... uh... Cheap jokes, priceless.
As you can see, Germany completely bypasses the Maginot Line...
Wrong game, sorry. That'll be the France vs. Germany game in a few weeks (unless France surrenders first! *Rimshot!* Yeah!). Germany instead uses a Bliztkrieg to send its midfielders (Eight, Tenth, and Fourteenth Armies) up through Kracow, and splits them, sending Eighth Army to help the forward Fourth Army against the Polish forward Lodz. Poland's stars Bialystok and Warsaw weren't able to counter later in the match, and so the German strategy worked brilliantly. Poland lost the match within a month, though no one will ever say it didn't go down without a fight.
Seriously, Poland, we're not playing polo here. This is soccer.
Unfortunately for Germany, Great Britain, the United States, and the Soviet Union (you must remember, this match is quite a few years old) all came down and delivered several decisive defeats, not allowing Germany to advance to the title game (the US and Soviet teams did that).
After all this time, I believe Poland has the hunger to beat Germany, but it will be tough. Germany may try a few of the same tricks, and Andy says they have gotten much better, even adding nuclear weaponry to their arsenal. But Poland has that burning desire for bloody, bloody vengeance.
By the way, I bet on both teams.