Thursday, January 22, 2004
State of the Union Address Translator
See the transcript of the real State of the Union Address
And note, if you're conservative, some of this will probably burn your eyes, some will brighten them with laughter...
"America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people."
Translation: Fuck you, allies, fuck you all. We don't fuck around when it comes down to US "interests," and this time, "interests" seriously counts people too!
"If judges insist on forcing their arbitrary will upon the people, the only alternative left to the people would be the constitutional process. Our nation must defend the sanctity of marriage. "
Translation: Since the judicial branch, appointed by politicians like me, is not listening to politicians like me and is instead looking at the world in a more lawful and fair way, Congress and I are gonna tramp all over the constitution.
"Americans took those dollars and put them to work, driving this economy forward. The pace of economic growth in the third quarter of 2003 was the fastest in nearly 20 years. New home construction: the highest in almost 20 years. Home ownership rates: the highest ever. Manufacturing activity is increasing. Inflation is low. Interest rates are low. Exports are growing.
Productivity is high. And jobs are on the rise. These numbers confirm that the American people are using their money far better than government would have and you were right to return it. America's growing economy is also a changing economy. As technology transforms the way almost every job is done, America becomes more productive, and workers need new skills. Much of our job growth will be found in high-skilled fields like health care and biotechnology. So we must respond by helping more Americans gain the skills to find good jobs in our new economy. "
Translation: I cannot list real facts. I can only list general statements about the economy. But, they're all true! Minimally true, but true!
"Key provisions of the Patriot Act are set to expire next year. [applause]"
Translation: Since there is applause right after this statement, either the Patriot Act is really unpopular with, like, any sane person... or all the Republicans have water in their ears and are just clapping along with the Democrats. There may also be technical difficulties with our APPLAUSE indicator.
I'm sorry for those who hate politics, but I had to. I hate the State of the Union addresses always. Every president that has been in office has had terrible State of the Union addresses that can barely be picked apart with the sheer fluff that goes into them... The addresses never give true, tangible facts. And if they do, they end up accusing Niger of some radioactive metals dealing.
Too bad Dubya has to have such stupid ideas in international affairs (a mostly unnecessary war backed up by everything the US could muster, a Road Map to Peace not backed up by anything, a snubbing of the EU, UN, NATO, the theory of preemptive strikes, the Us or Them theory, etc.) Since I disagree with pretty much every international policy Bush has ever put into effect, I was dying during the first part of that speech.
Anyone notice ironically that in Us or Them, "Us" can also be written as "US" or maybe even "U.S."