Eaglie's Aviary

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Heck, Forget CNN, I'm Gonna Fly over to Metropolis or Stella's Coffee Right Now!

Chicago is number three on the "most caffeinated cities of the US" list, which is news I prefer to Israel and Gaza death reports. Seattle beat Chicago, as they would with Starbucks still holding a 65 percent stake in the city council.

The surprise winner is Tampa, a town that I never expected to be in this conflict. I mean, Seattle is the coffee capital, and Chicago is just a city of really big shoulders that droop in the morning before that first cup o' joe. But why Tampa? Tampa doesn't even register, being off in the east and by the Gulf. This "nation" of coffee drinkers and caffeine worshipers is surprisingly calm about the situation:

"Despite Tampa being the most caffeinated, respondents in Tampa rank number one in saying they're least likely to be addicted to caffeine."

As with all addicts, they deny and believe that this is the appropriate response. Even with the sheer stockpile of caffeinated products that they consume--coffee, chocolate, tea, pills, Apaches helicopters--Tampa remains defiant. One can only hope that we can help them in time, before it's too late.

This is Eaglie, reporting on Tampa, from Jerusalem.