On Christmas Day 2007, San Francisco Zoo felt a mighty roar. Three men were attacked and one was killed by a 300-lb. tiger, which we assume roared. The debate began. Some accused the zoo of having faulty safety and not enough of a barrier. Others accused the victims of taunting the tiger. Others still accused the tiger of being a tiger.

With all this talk about zoos and safety, what could I do? With the funeral occurring just days ago and accusations right and left, some might accuse a late opinion piece of stomping/stampeding on the one victim's grave. Instead, I will do the public a service: become a rogue zoo safety inspector. Brookfield Zoo in the Chicago suburb of Brookfield (where else?) was my target.


Hakuna cuddles!

Meerkats were my first stop because I love meerkats. These ones were cuddled up, but some quicker (and blurrier ones) were standing. Thankfully, their enclosure was tall enough to keep them in, even with them on their hind legs.

While standing with the meerkats, I heard a sound. My hair stood on end. In the corner of its cage, a porcupine sneezed. I've seen enough Looney Tunes to know that's bad news. While protected from this incident, I tread carefully, not knowing what I'd run into next.


Yes, that's a chicken. An extraordinary chicken.

Yikes. You really do never know what you'll run into next. Safely behind chicken wire, I suddenly wanted to see what its eggs look like. Alas, that's a different investigative reporting project.


These are "Spotted Draft Horses," meaning they come fresh from the tap.

The horses plotted peacefully behind their fencing.


Little known fact: this is actually an elephant in disguise.

This little creature is called a rock hyrax. While you couldn't see it in this picture, he actually had a 20-ft. impenetrable wall of steel and glass in between me and him. There were also landmines, as the keepers would take no chances. I hear he's a jumper.


Nice links.

Remember, the focus of this piece is on the enclosures, not the animals! RIMSHOT!


No jokes here, really. Shut up.

The noble, enduring symbol of freedom and our country: the caged eagle. It was kept in check, probably to stop it from putting out someone's eyes.

I also visited the aquatic creatures. I checked high and low, and made sure their tanks were secure. While I would have had pictures, these creatures are much less photogenic due to my camera not being waterproof.

All these areas seemed very secure, yet the real test was next. The tigers. According to newspaper reports, TV reports, radio reports, Internet reports, traffic reports, and hearsay, the San Francisco barriers were too short by recommended zoo standards. Tigers leaped over the pens with ease. Tigers leaped over their pens (and back in) for daily exercise. How does this stand up at Brookfield?


I'm not taunting you!


I'm still not taunting you!


I'm still not taunting you, especially with this enclosure in between us!

The tigers were safely behind a large pit. I couldn't do the measurements myself, but I assume they're perfect, as a tiger was not eating me while I took these photos. This one in the photos seemed to like pacing, very non-suspiciously.

But it wasn't all rainbows, puppy dogs, and barbed wire. I did find some problem areas. There weren't any loose animals, but I noticed some pens were lacking.


Oh, the indignity.

It was nothing serious though. Having checked off the serious hazards, I made all my marks and began leaving the zoo. It seemed very safe to me thus far, and I wouldn't insult the zoo further. But I would not go far.


Note: the tiny sign on the clubhouse says "No People Allowed."

They're everywhere! The goats escaped, right when the zoo was closing! I wondered if this was normal, and a zookeeper told me there was a second fence holding them in, the one I was standing in front of. And no, I couldn't feed the goats right now. Or that's what they would've told me had I asked and not fed the goats. I hustled away.

While leaving, a hawk swooped and perched majestically in front of me.


Blurry, but I DID say it swooped.

Outraged, I demanded an explanation! Since when were wild creatures allowed in the zoo? I'd seen sparrows and other birds all over the place, eating and hopping and flying, and now this? While impressed by the rest of the zoo's safety beyond the goat in the water dish, this violation will not be ignored.

I hereby send my report into a few zoological societies. I await swift action.

Labels: Critters, Longer Stuff