I wrote this a while back (mostly just after
my class graduated), and due to Ignatius graduating right now, I figured now's as good as any time to post it.
The Things It Took Me Four Years to Learn at St. Ignatius
By Andy Dost '04
- The wood underneath the wooden staircases seriously is never used. And some of it is arsenic-treated.
- Administrators mostly like to know your name only if you've done something important to them, like give them money besides tuition.
- Darryl's last name.
- The "Up" and "Down" staircases are really just suggestions, except when the Deans and certain strict teachers are around. We all know which teachers.
- There's something called the Grad-at-Grad, which I've forgotten by now. I'm sure it wasn't all that important to follow anyway.
- What side to put your tassel on before and then after you've accepted your diploma at graduation. This was also forgotten.
- Which chairs are okay to nap in at the library: the ones Mr. Juliard could not see when he made his rounds.
- Anyone can name a Latin teacher and a Spanish teacher or two, but can anyone but a French student name any of the French teachers' names?
- We all missed pep assemblies, but with newspapers or tennis balls banned, what would've been the point?
- Joe Pacold is, contrary to all evidence, human and not a robot.
- It's tough to remember to tuck in a polo shirt, but once you're in college, it's tough to remember not to.
- Why the administration took away the Walk... wait, no... still don't know that one...
- While on a stage, chairs are very breakable when enough Work (Force times Distance) is applied.
- Prom is not too hard to crash. Right, Alex?
- There is this pair of jeans in the top room of the lightroom in the McLaughlin Theatre, there between my freshman year and senior year. I'll bet they're still there.
- How hot nights are at the Jackhammer!
- Squirrels disappear when they escape into the dining hall. Where they end up, no one knows, but I've never seen one leave. Bosco Stick, anyone?
- Certain schools are not meant to play football. Or baseball. Or any sports. Mostly they should just program calculators and buy stocks.
- I can get away with ethnic jokes in Baccalaureate mass speeches.
- There's a guy waiting in the Al's parking lot waiting to supply you with whatever you need. Ask for Vito.
In other Ignatius news, the Sun-Times just
hit the admin pretty hard with a frontpage story (which I'm sure a lot of Iggians have heard already).
Apparently the admin didn't learn as much in 40 years as I learned in four.
