Eaglie's Aviary

Monday, June 04, 2007

It Took Four Years?!?!

I wrote this a while back (mostly just after my class graduated), and due to Ignatius graduating right now, I figured now's as good as any time to post it.

    The Things It Took Me Four Years to Learn at St. Ignatius
    By Andy Dost '04

  1. The wood underneath the wooden staircases seriously is never used. And some of it is arsenic-treated.

  2. Administrators mostly like to know your name only if you've done something important to them, like give them money besides tuition.

  3. Darryl's last name.

  4. The "Up" and "Down" staircases are really just suggestions, except when the Deans and certain strict teachers are around. We all know which teachers.

  5. There's something called the Grad-at-Grad, which I've forgotten by now. I'm sure it wasn't all that important to follow anyway.

  6. What side to put your tassel on before and then after you've accepted your diploma at graduation. This was also forgotten.

  7. Which chairs are okay to nap in at the library: the ones Mr. Juliard could not see when he made his rounds.

  8. Anyone can name a Latin teacher and a Spanish teacher or two, but can anyone but a French student name any of the French teachers' names?

  9. We all missed pep assemblies, but with newspapers or tennis balls banned, what would've been the point?

  10. Joe Pacold is, contrary to all evidence, human and not a robot.

  11. It's tough to remember to tuck in a polo shirt, but once you're in college, it's tough to remember not to.

  12. Why the administration took away the Walk... wait, no... still don't know that one...

  13. While on a stage, chairs are very breakable when enough Work (Force times Distance) is applied.

  14. Prom is not too hard to crash. Right, Alex?

  15. There is this pair of jeans in the top room of the lightroom in the McLaughlin Theatre, there between my freshman year and senior year. I'll bet they're still there.

  16. How hot nights are at the Jackhammer!

  17. Squirrels disappear when they escape into the dining hall. Where they end up, no one knows, but I've never seen one leave. Bosco Stick, anyone?

  18. Certain schools are not meant to play football. Or baseball. Or any sports. Mostly they should just program calculators and buy stocks.

  19. I can get away with ethnic jokes in Baccalaureate mass speeches.

  20. There's a guy waiting in the Al's parking lot waiting to supply you with whatever you need. Ask for Vito.

In other Ignatius news, the Sun-Times just hit the admin pretty hard with a frontpage story (which I'm sure a lot of Iggians have heard already).

Apparently the admin didn't learn as much in 40 years as I learned in four.