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Monday, April 30, 2007
(Press Picture Unavailable) Chicago -- In a stunning victory for student democracy, war was ended, famines were stopped, and droughts dried up with the recent election of a new student body government at Loyola. The United Student Government (or USG, as the organization proudly shortens itself to) held its election, and the promises of its members have all been fulfilled. Throughout the world, rallies are being held, thanking USG for stopping every bad thing and for being so effective. Famed humanitarian Bono of U2 sent his congratulations and thanks, as USG's work accomplished the goals of every cause of which he had been a part. USG states that the reason for these successes, besides the creatively wonky restructuring it is going through, is certainly the new Facebook election flyers. The dancing outside of Loyola's Centennial Forum and Mertz on the election days also contributed. Many election workers were surprised with how many people voted. One was quoted with a great deal of amazement in her voice: "Normally student participation in the government is less than democratically acceptable... not even half the the student body sends in ballots because they just don't care. However, this year was different. I guess the prospect of change truly energized the base, and that is a powerful thing to behold!" A sophomore student sitting at the statue of St. Ignatius, when questioned, sounded very excited: "I can't believe it! For once, politicians didn't lie and they really cleaned up everything!" The student added, "Who won again?" -OAP |
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