Eaglie's Aviary

Friday, August 18, 2006

It's Your Solemn Duty as a Blogger to Review Snakes on a Plane

Good prediction.

Now, some of you are probably wondering... did Eaglie see it? Did he really see it first day?

Yep. 10pm on Thursday actually. I have to tell you, it's a terrible movie. Predictable, badly acted, terrible premise, and cheesy (it's not exactly that sarcastic cheesy that Army of Darkness and other such movies reach for).

Did I say "terrible premise?" I meant best premise ever. The premise is stated in the title, and all you need to know is Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Die Hard: With a Vengeance, Unbreakable) and Keenan Thompson (Good Burger) are in the film.

Now, spoilers. Inviso-text, on! Highlight with your cursor to read: Anyway, some badass Bruce Lee-ish mobster is trying to kill a witness to a murder, and he decides to do it by releasing poisonous snakes in a plane. Later, Samuel L. Jackson's character dies. Sorry, didn't mean to put that there. I guess I could still go back and edit that, but whatever. The first deaths, by the way, are the most ridiculous. The first death is actually of a couple having sex in the airline bathroom. When the girl's shirt came off (revealing exactly why the guy was with her instead of someone more pretty, intelligent, and funny), we really didn't know exactly what would happen. Oh, we knew they were dead. We knew they were dead when we saw them sit down in their seats for the first time. But I guess the snake wanted the same things from that girl as the human guy did.

It continues with plenty of bad deaths. The bite on the tongue and the boa constrictor ones comes to mind. And you have to wait for the "last snake." After all the snakes were dead, and the plane is safely landed, you just know there has to be a last snake. And there is.

By now, everyone's heard the line. You know the one. My theater gave it a standing ovation. Actually, my theater was one of the most raucous rooms I've ever been in. Cheering and laughing was pretty non-stop. And many snake/penis jokes were made (by us, the audience). It was a whole-theater version of MST3K, just good bit less witty.

And, so, as that one person in my link at the top of this post said, this has changed marketing forever. The Internet, once thought of as a potent tool, is now proven to be a potent tool. The blogosphere and the forums did more than any simple advertisement. They brought people together to scream and laugh and be jackasses while eating their popcorn.

By the way, the ending is awful. But still laughable. In that way, it's pretty much an avant-garde sum-up of the movie.