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Monday, October 31, 2005
"Werewolf!" "Werewolf?" "There! There wolf!" It's that day of the year again. Ghosts and goblins come out to play, and all the vampires and werewolves complain for equal pay. That's right, the NAAHSA (National Association for the Advancement of Hell-Spawned Americans) and Transvanian-American Alliance are whining again. Apparently, this time, they want an official religious holiday. Dear Human-Americans, Hell-Spawned Americans, Space Alien-Americans, and Celebrity-Americans, I hope I didn't miss anybody. Anyway, we know that you have aided in our plight before, but this has gotten bad. Under the current Christian regime, we cannot seem to find ourselves living in peace with our brothers and sisters of the United States. We continue to fight for our rights, just as black Americans and other minorities fought decades ago... and continue to fight (Rosa Parks, may God/Lucifer/Anubis/Xaqwenzxi bless you). In this yearly message, we ask for our official holiday. A religious holiday, one no employer can refuse to recognize. I mean, Halloween comes but once a year, and it is a holy day for us, but no one but astute older children recognize it for what it really means (throwing eggs and TP'ing cars). The adults forget this and just drink, and the children only use the costume ritual. It is a fine tribute, but personally, we need a more important holiday recognized, the birth of Dracula, a saint in our heart(s). Personally, I think it should be the third Monday of every September. None of us know it, but I'd say it's close enough. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, William Gates III President of the NAAHSA Steven Jobs Vice President Keep in touch, guys! Same for you, audience. Maybe I'll have some more treats for you guys later! |
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