The Revenge of Lucas: When a Guy in a Black Suit Shouts “NOOOOO!!!” in a Space Station, Does the Audience Make a Sound?
By Eaglie Puppydogg

NOTE: YOU'LL BE SPOILED INTO THE GROUND THROUGH THIS ARTICLE!

This is truly the Star Wars that grates you. Not in a bad way. No, it grates you because you truly hate the Emperor (even though he’s probably the coolest guy onscreen) and Anakin becomes our tragic hero that we hate just as much at certain points. And not just hate. LOATH.

Especially when he cries about Padme. In the Vader costume.

Thankfully, I cringed much less than I did during the first two prequels. Probably three or four times. Hayden actually was impressive during his dark moments, and at least SOME of the romance isn’t too terrible. Just when Padme talks. The duel with Obi-Wan is both amazing and stronger than you can imagine. Obi-Wan tries every way beforehand to not fight, but when he confronts Anakin, he knows what his duty is. And that is to fight for the Republic.

I will say… it may be my absolute favorite scene in all of Star Wars: Order 66. The Hunt for the Jedi. I sat there, dismayed at the betrayals of all the Jedi. You watch four or five different Jedi get shot in the back. And Anakin kills all the children in the Temple. Believe me, I… don’t know the word… this sequence, with only the Luke/Vader Return of the Jedi duel taking a close enough place for other considerations.

The most exciting duels ever occurred in this film. Yoda and the Emperor face off in a great battle through the capitol building. Yoda competes with the Emperor blow for blow. And again, Obi-Wan versus Anakin… there are no words to describe the sheer awesome of this fight.

The happy moments? Yoda and R2-D2. R2 finally shows off as a badass. He lights BATTLE DROIDS ON FIRE while trying to help Obi and Ani at the beginning. And Yoda? When his soldiers receive Order 66, he slices them to pieces when they come up behind him. And then, Yoda proceeds to hope on Chewbacca’s back and ride like a four-year old. And don’t forget Yoda’s battle with the Emperor: the Royal Guards, tricked out in their red robes… we never get to see them fight. Mostly because Yoda flips them into the wall before they notice the little green man.

And the defining moment/quote for Yoda? “If so powerful you are, why leave?” to the Emperor during their duel in the Emperor’s chambers.

Yes, problems there were. Natalie Portman is still TERRIBLE. I have begun to think that emotion that means something, you know, not Garden State emotion, does not suit her. She should never get within 50 yards of a sci-fi again. Hayden is not great either during the emotional scenes with Natalie. But Hayden improved. Natalie… did not.

Another thing… they cut a Qui-Gon scene. Except they did not cut the mention of contacting Qui-Gon. This annoyed me THOROUGHLY. I don’t like to be teased about seeing a really cool character again, and then not see him. I need to see that deleted scene.

However, the end is almost perfect. The sad funeral procession of Amidala… the NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! of Vader (well, I said it was not that perfect)… and the only ever appearance of Alderaan. And then… EXACTLY as I predicted it: the end shot? Tatooine’s two suns, with Luke swaddled in Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s arms.

And John Williams, I will hug you someday, I swear it. The song “Battle of the Heroes” is GORGEOUS. And it is tear-jerking.

So there. I loved it. The other prequels never felt right. This one did. Also, I liked it enough to place it with the Original Trilogy. Perhaps even on par with Return of the Jedi. Three cheers to no Boba Fett slapstick deaths!