Eaglie's Aviary

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Trickle-Down Economics

So, I met Joe, Brian, and the Squirrel Fuhrer downtown. We had a mighty busy day. We walked around Navy Pier. Then we walked up to River East 21. Then we walked to 600 N. Michigan. Then we walked to Water Tower, only to remember there wasn't a theater there anymore. Then we got tired of trying to find a good movie we hadn't seen. So we walked Michigan Ave. to the Blues Fest.

But that is not why this is a lesson in this. After the Blues Fest, we walked to the Music Mart, only to be accosted (as is customary in Chicago) by a bum selling more than just Streetwise. This man began his advertisement stating, "I'm selling streetwise, and porn." Sure enough, in his bag of Streetwise, there were very buxom ladies... looking like they had multiple implants in each breast.

So, naturally, Noah, Brian, and I found this hilarious. Joe looked understandably uncomfortable, as the bum had chosen to set up shop on his part of the bench. The man kept telling us how high quality shit this stuff was. What got me was when he told us he tested the merchandise (indicated by the phrase "choking my chain" with the appropriate hand flourish).

He then proceeded to page through and show us the picture that really got him fucked up. I will spare you the details of the picture. The bum said he was in the bathroom "an HOUR, man!" In desperation, the man eventually said he'd sell us a small book for $3.

I believe the whole thing lasted for 10 minutes. At which point Brian, Joe, and I put up a dollar each just for the man's EFFORT. A dollar for this story? Shit, that's not much. And now Brian has in his... ahem... hands, a very high-quality catalog of fucking.

I noted that I wouldn't be shaking hands with that vendor.