Friday, January 02, 2004
You thought 2003 was over, right? Wrong. We’re still in Iraq and the situation degrades every day. But, Saddam fell and was found, and we see the economy turning around, only meaning that we may get stuck with President Bush another four years. Florida, unfortunately, cannot redeem itself in politics, but California can sure as hell try to overshadow it, for The Guv-ah-natah is now at the helm. Unnatural disasters (the Cubs) and natural disasters (the Cubs) hit us, and, my God, what’s there to say about Michael Jackson?!
And the degradation of society continues with Reality TV. It seems stronger than during the rise of Survivor. Case in point, Paris Hilton. A beauty princess that looks the part of porn star (plays the part, too) has decided to finally do some “work” in her life. Good for her! Or how about the losers on Average Joe 2. The commercials I’ve seen have made me believe that there truly are people who should not pass on Y chromosomes (“How-wa-ye!”). And, there’s the newest show that actually entertained me with its commercial, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, on, you guessed it, FOX!
I’m gonna put myself out on a limb in saying the predictions of the Apocalypse a few years back were off a bit. The real Four Horsemen are coming. Eaglie’s Aviary, a vocal opponent of the Apocalypse, is beginning a tradition here. We are awarding our Horsemen of 2003, the people who moved us just a little bit closer to the End Times.
Gov. Arnold is obviously Number One. He’s a veteran that fought for the Apocalypse and fought against it countless times, so he knows his territory. But, I’ll put it this way: a Republican in control of the most Democratic state in the union?! California will blow up by year’s end.
Number Two, remember you heard this here, is Simon Cowell, the dude from American Idol, the standard bearer of Reality TV for 2003. Can’t you see him doling out cruel insults and brimstone?
Number Three will be Michael “Welcome to Neverland Ranch” Jackson. If this site had been around a decade ago, Michael may have, by now, owned ten “Horseman” trophies.
Our final pick for Horsemen of 2003… Number Four has to be Al Sharpton. The self-proclaimed black God-monger has become a respectable statesman, and yet can still sing and dance on Saturday Night Live. God (really) help us all.
So those are our picks for The Horsemen of 2003. Just remember, when God’s true Four Horsemen cometh, they’ll be riding M1 Abrams tanks and Bush tax cuts.