Eaglie's Aviary

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Eaglie Corks His Pen: An All-Star Review

Hello, sports fans! Did you watch the game? I feel quite proud; I didn't fall asleep once in front of the TV! I did have to jab my companions (i.e. parents) awake several times though...
I have to admit it was one of the best games I've seen in a long time. In terms of players. I definitely thought there were some possible future star players on that field!
All joking aside, the game was great. I got to see a few homeruns and a lot of good playing in Comiskey (I will call it US Cellular when Al Sharpton runs for President and wins). I was kinda unhappy Mark Prior didn't get to pitch, but, those things happen.
Flaws in an otherwise interestingly good All-Star Game? None had to do with the gameplay. The interface and marketing was extremely botched though.
Here's what I mean. For some reason, Comiskey was split into three sections: The Sox fans, the Cubs fans (my peers), and the people who somehow got out of work for a week to fly to Chicago. This created some tension. This leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to the D... well, you get the picture.
In other words, could we have put aside our goddamned rivalries for one freakin' game, Cubbies and Soxophiles? The All-Star Game is supposed to be a break from the World Series hunt. We're not supposed to boo Dusty, Jerry, or Magglio just because they're on the opposite side of the city, of the spectrum, of the war! We go to watch some damn fine players and coaches at work!
Speaking of all this seriousness to the Game, why the hell did Bud Selig decide to make the game count?! Shouldn't the skill of the teams decide homefield advantage? Not the skills of themselves and their opponents in their respective leagues? Doesn't seem exceptionally fair. Discuss this noodle-scratcher with your friends and family, and feel free to email me (my "delete" button is quite prepared).
I must ask about the opening of the game. Why was there no "Oh, Canada" played? Canadians played in that game. Toronto and Montreal were both represented in the game, but only got a flag, while American teams got to listen to the "Star-Spangled Banner" with a slight techno beat. Were President Bush and Commissioner Selig not able to stand that Canada was helping Americans (or National League players) win? Were they not able to tolerate that a country that disagree with the war was playing in an American game?! Were they not able to handle that a country other than the United States could have a very good national anthem?!?! I highly suspect that Bush thought they were all from Quebec (French Canada).
Now for the most heinous crime of the night (not having to do with hot dog prices): "God Bless America" was the 7th inning stretch song. Not only that, but they had a singer who'd need a bullhorn to reach normal speaking levels. I can't believe they ruined the national pastime's Big Fun Game by injecting unhealthy levels of patriotic/religious zeal. I'm fine with patriotism. But, the damned lyrics of "God Bless America" sound like an American call to jihad. The song merges the most destructive duo in human history (no counting Adolf Hitler and his imaginary friend Fritz): Church and State. Those should never be combined again. Ever. By singing a song like "GBA," you're inviting the duo back into the house like an untrained dog.
Know what else? "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" is a much more patriotic song. It does not mention the United States once. It doesn't mention God. But, the song damn well riles up those terrorists. They hate baseball. It's a symbol of American power, just as aircraft carriers and McDonald's *cough* restaurants are. Really, baseball is very patriotic on its own. It doesn't need a sappy overload of the stuff.