Eaglie's Aviary

Monday, June 02, 2003

Here's my original monologue for Comparative Gov., my Tonight Show with Jay Leno spoof. Just imagine this with a gangly white teen with glasses (Andy) speaking with a high-pitched voice and shaking his head erratically while a black teen with glasses (Edwards) laughs over on the side and cracks a few jokes of his own:

"Well, it’s the 300th anniversary of St. Petersburg! Wow, 300 years? 300 years of dictatorship, poor economic conditions, and exploitation of the masses? Boy, that’s gotta make those wealthy elites lie awake at night right next to their hidden vaults!

Have you heard about these oligarchs? They control most of the Russian economy. They make millions and billions of dollars every year off of poor oppressed workers and citizens. [pause] Thank God that doesn’t happen in the US!

In China, there’s still the SARS virus roaming. President Hu Jintao even allowed himself to be checked for the virus before he left the country. Well, actually, they just gave President Hu a fortune cookie. It said: “You are in good health.”

Here’s something of note: Tony Blair stated a few day ago that the European Union should not be a “federal superstate.” Most European countries “regard it as a union of nations.” Meanwhile, France and Germany issued a joint statement that they regard Tony Blair as a “prissy American lackey.” Well, that’s what they would have said if they weren’t so busy trying to build a federal superstate.

Now, the G8 summit is opening, held in Evian, France. You know, the place with all the water factories? Well, there’s been riots over the summit. Rioters are proclaiming that the summit needs to do something about the state of the rest of the world. Damned protestors, always fighting for equality. Why can’t they stay at home and shout at the TV like the rest of us?"

My guest was Saddam Hussein, played timelessly by Alex Zavala in his Groucho moustache. Thank you so much, Chris and Alex! It was a success!